A miDniTe CruiSeR

NO TITLE

2005-12-29T00:02:00.000+10:30

The New Year is approaching in a couple of days. I really have no idea how to react. Happy? Sad? I really don’t know. What have I actually gained all these time in 2005?

When you really think of it, how fast the time flies. You don’t even realize it until it fleds away leaving you far far behind, whatever sadness, happiness you feel. I am on holiday. Three months. That can actually mean my whole future when it comes to having exam within that period of time. But now being off from uni, as if being off from doing anything, which is actually absurd. As if I live just to have exams.

I admit it. I got carried away. Without realizing it or not. I did, and still am. It is just a matter of bringing myself together again.

This entry has no title. Coz I don’t know what exactly I am going to talk about. Or why. Maybe you can call it a random emotional expression. Women, can never live without showing off emotional distress.

I was browsing through the net, and as usual these past few weeks I got obsessed with this naruto anime, which is certainly not good. It is surely harmless, but obsession that does it. Well I really got to bring myself around now.

The routine that I really am not enjoying is browsing the news in my country. But certainly something necessary no matter how pathetic there are going to be, as usual. No doubt about. Sometime I got so disgusted and pi**ed off that I couldn’t stand to read it. The very same thing happens over and over again.

Recently, since my obsession with comics and anime, I realized I had neglected my readings. It’s been awhile since I got serious into reading things about Islam, like there are too many things to read that I’d abandoned all of em.

There are actually really good websites that I should have browsed everyday. It is sort of an infusion to one’s thirsty mind and soul. I totally forgot how I have deprived their rights to those kind of infusion. I realize that the only way to gain as much knowlodge is thorugh reading. Yes of coz you have teachers and so on, but you also gotta read. Like the in surah al-A’laq,1:

“Read! In the name of your Lord Who has created (all that exists)”.

I read the Utusan Malaysia and suddenly felt like to browse the article segments of the online news. There was this so called ‘reflective’ article titled “Tahun aneka peristiwa’ that reviews the tragedies and stuff in 2005, as we are approaching the New Year. Yes no harm in that tho. The writer certainly has knowledge about the currents issues so on so forth. Still I couldn’t find the message the author was trying to convey. Then I read the next article which I think is related to the first one titled ‘manusia wajar memahami bumi’ which translated to be human should understand the earth. As pathetic as the title sounds, the content was no better. What the author was conveying is that, we should integrate and cooperate the earth, or in another words love the earth and do not offend the earth.

I totally feel sick. Well maybe the author is atheist or something, but I am pretty sure he’s a Malay and a Muslim. He speaks like there is no God whatsoever and there was not once he mentioned about God. As if the earth acts on its own and has no other controlling and monitoring it. I could see how much he tried to bring the subject of God into discussion and uses common sense instead to justify his opinion, which is not justified of coz. What lousy arguments. The tsunamis, earthquake, and so on which had struck the earth are due solely to the earth itself. Is that what the author was trying to convey? Why do people try as much as they could to avoid talking about the Creator? Well of coz I am a totally no one to talk about this. Who am I to judge people anyway? I could only sigh and sigh again. To blame while not knowing them and their circumstance is just absurd.

As pathetic as those kind of articles can be, some people would accept them anyway. No matter how absurd the arguments might sound, some people would still be too blind to see the truth, coz that’s what they have been fed with all these time.

I realized the power of writing. Sometimes writing can be much more powerful than words can ever express and 10 times more influential. I find myself easily influenced by some people’s writing, be it being offended or otherwise. I also find myself touched and moved by some writing much more than when I was given a lecture by someone. How amazing that words can totally change one’s paradigm. I find that in seconds my perceptions towards something that I’d believed for so long could switch to another paradigm just by reading words, even not knowing the author.

It has been a while since I browsed through Saiful Islam. I opened it today and they some new articles he wrote. I am very moved by the way he expresses his opinion about some issues. It is casual and relaxing but at the same time very powerful in its meaning. I love his latest article about “Pendakwah mesti berminat dengan manusia” which means “A preacher has to be interested in people”. He talks by experience and knowledge which makes him a truly good author.

He basically conveys that we should understand people, and integrate with people. Which to me sounds really really hard. He mentions some good authors for books that teach about people. The thing is those authors are non-muslims and yet they talk about things that are taught by Islam in the Quran. They can even talk about the purpose of life, but only to the wrong god that they believe. But Abu Saif takes only good things from what was being written by in the books. he shows how we should only learn good things from people, no matter what their belief is. Although we call ourselves muslims, do we act like one? What does being a Muslim really mean to me? How pathetic that muslims have to learn from the non-muslims the traits that Muslims should already have.

Since the author has traveled a lot, he learnt so many things about people other than his own people. It makes him to see the shortcomings of the muslims in his country, my country. I could not have agreed more to him since I myself am in a non-Muslim country now. The aussie are much more civilized in thinking their awareness towards their surrounding. The are more sensitive in communicating and integrating among themselves. I wish the muslims would come about and change the way they think as it is ordained.

His article made me really think why I am born into this world. It is not something I don’t know, but it’s quite a wonder how every time I am being reminded about it, I jumped back as if I am being harshly dragged back into the real world after drifting so deep into fantasy or something. This world seems like a hallucination, when you sink down too much in it. You just lose it. You lose your focus on the real purpose you are being created. Like I always do. Over and over again. How I am given His Mercy to bring me back over and over again but I was not grateful. I failed to bring myself together and stay on the track to approach the real destination. I forget. Over and over and over again. Will I be guided till the day I die? 

From those two authors, I can actually make a conclusion. Those with ‘iman and knowledge’ and those who only has knowledge. How much difference it makes, HUGE! When one is equipped with knowledge and iman, he sees the world in a totally different way and live his life as a complete Muslim in every aspect.

I am just an ordinary person seeking the truth in life, which already lies in front of me. But sometimes I am just blinded, with glitterings that are fake and temporary. Even writing this, I have no idea what good it does for others or me. Or even why I actually I do it. I am a person with no knowledge whatsoever and there might be something that I only use common sense which sometimes is not sensible. Whatever it is, I ask forgiveness from Allah for my weaknesses.

Boring

2005-12-12T10:39:00.000+10:30

Erm tgh cuti skrg...around 4 months. ..sblm cuti mase nak exam bkn main lagi mcm2 idea dlm kepala nak buat ape..itu la ini la..ha bile dah cuti terus mati kutu mati akal taktau nak buat apa..dh dekat sebulan cuti and still tak buat banyak benda..now i realize bliss of being busy..

paling sedih asyik menghantar org kt airport jek..day after day sorang2 balikk....arghh cam kalau semua org tak balik kan bestt...keje dah la tak dapat..mula2 igt leh la gi kutip buah..erm dh xder rezeki nak wat cmne..lgpon bila pk summer yang panasss gilerr nih, maleh lak nak keje.nak dudukk je dlm bilik yg beraircond nih..hehe.hibernate time summer...

a few days ago ade la jugak gi crabbing..tp satu ketam pon xdpt..yg dpt ketam kecik sekor, and ketam alien..adei takleh makan maa..so lepas balik..ntah mcmana ramai org lak mase tu..weekend. so kiteorg maleh nak tunggu lama2 kt jeti tu belah awal..pulang dengan hampa..

crabbing sambil makan2 pasta

pelik tul lagi banyak masa yg ade lg rase nak buang masa..byk jek buku2 nk go thorough tp still nk duk saja2 and then complain boring xder benda nk buat..what the..??? well that's just me..anyway kalau asyik bace buku jek cam of coz la bosan..sometimes i just dont feel like doing passive things..membace ni mungkin time nak tido ke...hehe

the weather is one thing...and money is another...yg my fren nih nk ajak wat mende selalu pk pasal duit..takleh nk salahkn pon..kenala berjimat2..tp aku yg boros jek..bile pk balik nk wat sumthing mesti kena gune duit..nothing is free..unless nk gi jogging or breeze walking which i dont feel like doing for now altho konon nk lose some weight..daaa..

the thing which i dont know whether i look forward to is my family coming here in late january...time tu kan peak summer..mesti panasssss giler2..sian laks dieorg nk jalan2 time cmni..kalau aku bior la xleh jalan yg penting xyah berpanas2..still dh plan so gotta go on with it...sian makk..igt nnti nk suh mak ajar menjahit..hehe tetibe jek rase minat..nk wat baju sendiri..cam best jek kalau dpt tgk hasil sendiri..

my fren suggest nk polish skill memasak but then..the thot of eating is really god but the thot of cooking..adeii...cmne nk kawin nih huhu...maleh benor memasak..makan suka masak malas..kalau masak suka makan suka lagi dahsyat gak tu..hehe..

erm skang tgk mnecari idea gak nak buat benda yg menarik dan berfaedah skett...asyik tgk naruto jek..hehe..tp dh abih dh pon xder dh nk tgk..maybe i'll make a review abt naruto someday..w/pon cm citer merapu but it gives me some sort of motivation beleive it or not. i dont care org nk pk ape pon.. i just love naruto..huhu..neway fatin u shud watch it...kla nak mencari sumthing nk wat for now....

TuNGgU TeDuH dULu

2005-11-26T13:37:00.000+10:30

alhamdulillah. just finished reading Faisal Tehrani's novel. inspirational and motivating.

well, not that i'm gonna become a story teller now and retell the stories to everyone. in the first place, i wanted to find something soothing and relaxing to do, like reading something fun. but this book is not the thing tho. it just makes my heart ache, and i felt reluctant to finish it. i managed anyway.

what's soo beguiling about this book? well it's not the book. it's just me. reading other people's stories or lives just make me reflect my own. it reminds me again that life is just a trial. people are tried with a lot of difficulties, one after another, and some who strongly hold onto their faith persevere those things without a sigh. altho i cannot directly relate the story of this powerful strong woman, Salsabila, there are a lot i can learn from the story, altho it might be a story made up by this talented author.

everyone has a story of his own. their own difficulties, and hardship and happiness. one would find another has more than one in certain things and find that another has less than one in another thing. and sometimes we can't help but to question why we don't have what other people do. and to think of it, if we keep questioning that, then we'll keep questioning until the day we die coz we'll always come upon people who have more and more than us. learn to be grateful for what we have as it seems the only way to live happily....

tunggu teduh dulu should be very significant with my life. i use to think i'd be stuck in a problem forever and when i managed to solve it i never even gave another thought of it. it just disappeared from my mind. that's where patience comes into the picture. the rain does not come all the time, and there'll be a day when it is bright and sunny. the rain comes to cleanse away dirts on the road, freshens the air and make the flowers blossom the next day. i just need to be patient.

that's what i am gonna do now, tunggu teduh dulu for whatever it is that's bothering my life.

jia you!!!

Trials after trials

2005-11-18T16:12:00.000+10:30

Alhamdulillah just finished exam..end of one trial and here comes another and the next and the next...that's what life is all about anyway. it' s indeed a place of trial. one minute you find yourself so down you think you can barely get up and the next moment you find yourself up so high, forgetting for a moment that the very moment will last in a few seconds. just before exams i've been having an emotional hazard so bad that i couldn't cope with studying to an extent that i don't care anymore.

so i decided to look for something just to ease away my unhappiness about...well a lot of things..studies and stuff.. i found Harun Yahya's website and found lots of intetesting stuff there. articles, books etc. this one long article/short book captured my interest tho, coz it's about "secrets behind trials". exactly the thing i needed at that moment, about tests, exams and stuff. when i read this thing, i realized, i already know this..well i do. but then i forget. i forget that i am here for something, i live for something...only that at times i forget. lots of things make me forget, people, things etc..

"The world is a place of testing!". as Allah has said in the Quran:

"We did not give any human being before you immortality. And if you die, will they then be immortal? Every person shall taste death. We test you with both good and evil as a trial. ANd you will be returned to Us." (Surah al-ANbiya;, 34-35)

so this bad feeling i am having, is a test after all. sometimes i feel like shouting out to the world and give em a piece of my mind. i feel so bursting inside it's threatening to come out of my mouth. that's what unbelievers would do indeeed. one would think, failing in one part of life is the end of their life, and there's nothing else to live for anymore. even if it's just an emotional hazard like i always have. but anyway, to think that my life is going to be all straight and nice, how lame of me. what do i expect anyway. and the worse thing is wishing for something that you never know whether it's good for you. wishing u have something that other ppl have, and getting frustrated over things u cannot get or achieve. and much much worse thing getting envious over what ALlah has given other people. thanks to a friend who reminded me, we have to learn to be grateful over what ALlah has given us. and asking for something which we think is good, Allah knows better whether it is really good for us. we just gotta put our trust in Him. everything has its wisdoms behind, be it good or bad in our eyes, but He knows better.

so. whatever bad feelings i have right now, is indeed a test from Him. to make myself realize my own shortcomings improve myself. why don't i see it?? why don't i just keep that in mind? what is wrong with me?? be patient, be patient, be patient. remember Allah's promise:

"Those who say: "Our Lord is Allah" and then go straight will feel no fear and will know no sorrow. (Surah al-Ahqaf,13)

Two times celebration

2005-11-02T10:22:00.000+10:30

Semalam kawan aku selamat diijabkabulkan. Majlis yang sangat simple. tapi berjalan lancar Alhamdulillah. kalau ikutkan mungkin agak rush sebab baru decide dalam sehari. tapi bila fikir balik benda yang baik buat apa nak tangguh2. memang ade gak terfikir kenapa la dieorang rush sangat...tak sabar-sabar. tapi bukan ke lagi bagus dari tunang lama-lama dan kesana sini dengan tunang. yang peliknya orang tak cakap pulak. tapi kalau nak terus kawin cepat2 mesti macam2 orang kata. aku pon bile fikir balik memang ade mentaliti mcm tu (mentaliti orang melayu).

sekurang2nya dieorang dah sempurnakan salah satu sunnah Rasullah. kurang satu tanggungjawab, aku belum tentu lagi ni..huhu..camna pon aku sgt heppy untuk dieorg walaupun mcm ada rase xpercaya mase time akad nikah tu..betul ker kawan aku dah jadik bini org nih?? huhu..time aku nanti mcmana la..(weng2..berangan sendiri). yang pasti aku (dgn xmalunya ckp pasal kawin ni) nak seorang suami yang soleh, yang boleh bimbing aku.

dats about the wedding. then there's Eid Mubarak. insyaAllah kalau panjang umur esok boleh celebrate Hari Raya, first time in Aussie. huhu..mungkin lagi best dr raya kat rumah sbb semua kawan2 kat sini. bile lagi kan nak raya ngan kawan2. asyik ngan family jer. tapi tak tahula. i never really looked forward to celebrate the Eid, but I'll try to since Allah has given us all Muslims this special day as a symbol of happiness and success of the MUslims after one month trial in Ramadhan. aku sepatutnya sambut dgn gumbira la kan. memang la happy tu happy jugak, tapi kenala berpada. jgn rasa terlalu excited nk raya smpai tak rasa apa2 bila Ramadhan bakal meninggalkan kita. entah sempat merasai ramadhan tahun2 depan, Allahua'lam.

one thing different about this raya, unliek prevoius ones, this is the first time raya before exams. the exam fever is on, so raya fever wont be that long. maybe one day i think. but then that's how it's suppose to be, isn't it? hopefully INsyaALlah dengan keberkatan Ramdhan dan Syawal, moga study aku pon dapat berkat. lepas ni banyak kena reflect diri, apa yang aku dah dapat masa bulan Ramadhan kali ni. ade improve ker, lagi teruk ker? aku perlu ubah mindset sebelum ni. sadly to say, i used to dread Ramadhan coz I gotta fast. it wasn't a worship, but a process of starving myself, when i really think of it. so what's the use. now i realize how much important for one to treasure it...while you can.

Syawal menjelma

2005-10-31T01:05:00.000+10:30

Sempena kedatangan syawal dalam dua tiga hari lagi, aku ingin ambil kesempatan ucapkan Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri kepada semua umat Islam, terutamanya ahli keluarga dan sahabat2. Walaupun mungkin kedatangan Syawal amat ditunggu2, pemergian Ramadhan sgt menyedihkan hati. Kalau dihitung semula, apa yang dah aku buat selama Ramadhan ni? Apakah aku rasa apa2 kesan dalam hati, dalam setiap perkara yang aku buat? Macamana hubungan dengan Allah, dan juga dengan orang lain? Yang sedihnya, memang susah nak jawab.

Kalau lah aku tahu betapa besarnya rahmat Allah dalam bulan seribu bulan ni...kalaulah semua orang tahu...Allah dah bukakan pintu rahmatnya untuk semua umat Islam, bagi mendekatkan diri kepadaNya dan memohon keampunanNya, kenapa manusia tak berebut peluang tu? Tepuk dada dan tanya iman.

Macamanpun, aku hanya mampu mengharapkan dapat menikmati Ramadhan tahun2 akan datang. Nak kejar betul2, dan buat yang terbaik, insyaAllah. Semoga sentiasa dibawah lindungan rahmatNya.

sabar sabar sabar

2005-10-24T20:51:00.000+09:30

astaghfirullah...aku mmg kena banyak beristighfar...kalau ikutkan perasaan marah ni taktau lah macam mana. cuma aku bkn saja marah, tapi sedih. sedih sebab kelemahan aku sendiri menyusahkan orang lain. menyebabkan aku lagi nampak kesalahan orang lain. membuatkan aku lupa yang aku lagi banyak kelemahan, keburukan yang nak kena diperbaiki. aku marah sebab aku rasa aku ada hak nak marah, seolah-olah benda ni takde kaitan langsung dgn kelemahan aku. aku sedih sebab aku tak boleh cope dengan benda ni dengan cara yang lagi berhikmah dan menjaga perhubungan. kalau ikut, kalau ikut hati, kalau ikut hati...memang rasa nak ikut hati. tapi aku nak cuba hadapi benda ni dengan tenang, dengan penuh sabar. baru ALlah bagi ujian yang kecik, ujian hati dan perasaan, ujian dengan manusia.
mungkin jugak aku yg tak menjaga hubunganNya. sebab tu lah hubungan aku dgn org lain banyak masalah. aku tak cukup perasaan rendah diri sebagai hamba kepadaNya sampai aku rasa aku layak untuk rasa lagi bagus dari orang lain. subhanALlah. ampunilah dosaku Ya ALlah. berikanlah aku petunjuk ke jalan kebenaranMu, jangan lah Kau pesongkan hatiku walaupun sekelip mata, kerana ia dah cukup melalaikan diriku. ameen.

how to get outta this

2005-10-24T17:17:00.000+09:30

It's quite a phenomenon this thing.
could never have imagined myself going through this kinda thing, tho of coz it's nothing impossible.
i just lost it.
couldnt help it.
hate myself for that but then it happened anyway.
it keeps coming and coming and coming.
what is it actually??
how do i cope with it?
is it good or bad??
just getta hella outta my mind!
i refuse to think anymore..

I have a problematic heart

2005-10-08T08:36:00.000+09:30

Aduh..time dekat2 nk exam ni lah tetibe kerajinan aku mengupdate blog menggiler....aisehh..mungkin sbb time2 cmni lah rase stress n tension semacam..kengkadang xleh nk luahkan kt org kut..
so far aku berada pada tahap yg gelabah tahap normal lg sbb tinggal sebulan 2 3 hari jer kut sblm exam date..tunggu la nnti lg dua tiga minggu gelabah aku akan menjadi tahap gaban..time tu xdpt den nak nolong lagi..tu la..bile pikir xnak rase cmtu, termotivated skett nk study n jadik lagik rajin..tp rase tinggal rase je kengkadang...xjugak gerak..dats the art of procrastination..you heart is deceiving you! don't think even for a sec no matter what the heart says about delaying this delaying that.. cmnepun aku bersyukur sbb sedikit sebanyak sem ni aku improve, w/pon tak memuaskan sgt. tp insyaAllah sikit2.. biarla merangkak2 pon, tp aku akan lg improve and manage untuk istiqamah in the future. one more thing, esemen. tak habis2 ngan esemen. mmg kaco daun, xleh nk study lgsung. sbb aku yg xreti manage mase. boleh jer kalo reti tp aku ni jenis yg easily distracted with problems.
ckp pasal problem, bkn saje problem ngan study, tp dgn hati sendiri pon byk problem. mungkin dh lama tak di 'polish'kan. hati ni macam jugak kasut, kalo tak kilatkan lama2 kotor, berhabuk, pudar. tak shining. erk kasut laks jadik perumpamaan, tp tul la jugak in some ways. bile kiter rase cm ader masalah ngan org, ade masalah hati la tu. kena check balik. xpayah check aper problem org tu ker aper, tp diri sendiri sbnrnyer. sbb kiter yg rase aper kiter rase, bkn org lain. so kenapa laks kiter nk tanya apa msalah org tu? tu la kan manusia, nampak kesalahan org lain jerk. tp xpernah ukur baju di badan sendiri. cam aku la tu. huhu. mmg dr dulu rase hati aku ni cam problematic banget. sket2 xske org tu sket2 xske org nih. aku ni cm la baik sgt..mungkin sbb hubungan ngan Allah dh xbetul, tu yg jadik cmtu. tp slalu nk pk aper masalah dak nih, xleh ker dier berperangai cmni ker cmtu ker..kalo cmtu smpai bile pon xsettle problem sbb asyik nmpak salah org lain jerk. tu la ader kata2 nih, xingat dr saper, tp aku terbace sumwhere,

"the way people treat you is a reflection of how you treat them"

tp tu la cakap mmg senang. cm aku arr. aku kengkadang nk cube buang perasaan cmni ngan org, kwn2 ker, even family sendiri pon. kiter akan sentiasa ader masalah hati cmni kalo kiter tak sentiasa sucikan hati (tazkiyatun- nafs). this is the only short cut available, not the other way round, trying to fix people (something so impossible).
tu la biler hati dh kotor, hidayah pon xnak masuk dlm hati. mungkin benda ni mcm kecik, tp mmg sbnrnyer akan affect diri kiter enormously.
untuk kengkawan, again sorry bebanyak kalo ader tersalah silap, ade dengki ker, benci ker tanpa korang sedar. mmg dgn kawan sendiri pon ader perasaan ni kengkadang. astaghfirullah. harap dieorg dpt maafkan. kalo wat salah ngan ALlah leh mintak ampun, tp dgn manusia taktau la. semoga Allah memberi hidayah pada sahabat2, keluarga even diri aku sendiri. INsyaAllah. aku sayang korang semua.

Dari Abi Hamzah Anas bin Malik r.a, Rasulallah bersabda:

"Tidak beriman seorang kamu sehingga ia mencintai untuk saudaranya apa yang ia cintai untuk dirinya". Diriwayatkan oleh Bukhari dan Muslim.

Maafkan teman

Hembusan bayu yang bertiup
Bersama deruan ombak
yang memukul pantai
Hatiku sayu bila mengenangkan
Perpisahan yang tak diundang

Bertahun kita melangkah bersama
Sela cita-cita buat bekalan ke sana
Harapan ayah bonda janji pada agama
Kitakan terus mara biarpun
badai yang datang melanda

Kita hanya mampu berusaha
Hanya Allah menentukannya
segalanya adalah milik-Nya
Dalam berusaha kita diuji
Kekadang tohmah kita dicaci
Diturutkan rasa hati ingin
dilepaskan beban ini

Mujur ada teman membantu
Sokonganmu buat inspirasi
Berpeganglah pada janji
kita yang dibina

Semoga kitakan dirahmati
Oh teman....

Ramadhan Menjelma lagi

2005-10-04T21:01:00.000+09:30

Assalamualaikum w.r.b,

setelah sekian lama aku meninggalkan blog ni..kesian pulak..biasalah waktu2 cmni exam dh dekat..study entah kemana, assignment entah kemana, apatah lagi nak update blog. kena gak setkn priority. aku tak boleh lagi memain mcm dulu. aku kena belajar dari kesilapan. xder tangguh-tangguh lagi. takde alasan lagi. alasan tinggal alasan jer. aku kena bangun. aku kena berubah. sekarang! bukan esok, lusa, tulat, hurm, monolog sendiri la pulak.
Alhamdulillah esok kedatangan Ramadhan yg ditunggu-tunggu. aku mengharapkan ramadhan kali ni penuh makna, penuh barakah, penuh keinsafan. aku tak mau lagi jadi diri aku yg tak ade arah tujuan. tak de matlamat yg jelas. aku berharap kali ni aku akan memanfaatkan dengan betul2. bila fikir balik entah pape ntah mase dulu2. main2 jer. time ramadhan jer nak jadi baik.tu pon x jugak kadang2.
untuk kengkawan, mintak maaf banyak2 kalo ader tersalah silap, sakitkan hati korang, termakan hak korang, halalkanlah. aku hanya la insan lemah yg masih byk perlu diperbaiki...till then..

kenapa

2005-09-05T23:13:00.000+09:30

kenapa bangga
keburukan sendiri tak pernah sedar
keburukan orang lain nampak besar
betapa diri tersasar

kenapa ego
bagus sangat kah kita
pandai sangat kah kita
sifat tu hanya layak untuk pencipta

kenapa marah
teruk sangat ke orang buat salah
hal kecil-kecil pun nak berbalah
saling salah-menyalah takmau kalah

kenapa dengki
Allah dah bagi rahmat dan rezeki
agar manusia dapat berkongsi menikmati
selama ni pernahkah disyukuri

kenapa malas
sedangkan banyak kewajipan terpaksa digalas
berbanding masa yang hanya sekilas
takkan menunggu dan berlalu dengan pantas

kenapa masih bertanya kenapa
kenapa masih alpa
kenapa masih leka
kenapa kenapa kenapa.....????

soalan yang tak terjawab!

Wahai hati

2005-08-31T19:48:00.000+09:30

Author: Midnite Cruiser

wahai hati...
sedarkah kau raja kepada diri
segala kau ingini diri hanya menuruti
hak atau batil adakah kau ketahui
segalanya akan kau bebani di akhir nanti

wahai hati...
bersabarlah
walau seberat mana kehendak
kau terpaksa menidak
seandainya ia bukan suatu yang hak

wahai hati...
hadirmu sebagai pemikir
penggerak dan penentu yang zahir
sucimu umpama jernih air mengalir
pabila dirimu dipenuhi dicurahi zikir

wahai hati...
fitrah mu agung mengakui yang Esa
sedari azali dirimu tercipta
namun mengapa tatkala dirimu mengenal dunia
kau menjadi lupa dan alpa

wahai hati...
usah percaya pada pandangan itu
usah percaya pada pendengaran itu
usah percaya pada perasaan itu
andai segalanya dikaburi nafsu

wahai hati...
bersabarlah, berjuanglah
jangan sekali-kali kau mengalah
ketahuilah jalan ini menuju Allah
dukunglah bebananmu sebagai khalifah

Imagine

2005-08-25T16:01:00.000+09:30

I M A G I N E
Unknown Author

Imagine yourself after you pass away
Imagine your grave through night and through day
Wishing that you did not do as they say
Wishing that you had got up and had prayed.

Imagine, my friends, the day that you died
Imagine all of the tears that they cried
Remember how it felt when your body was tied
Remember how it felt in the grave which you lied.

Imagine the day you'll be called to account
Imagine the sum to which your life will amount
Think for a moment of the deeds which you mount
Think for a moment how much they will count.

What will they say of you when you are dead?
What will they say, what will be said?
Will they speak of all the poor who you fed?
Will they remember all the Qu'ran that you read?

Think not of them, but of Allah, Lord of mankind and jinn
Think of Allah when tempted to sin
Think of the paradise which you will dwell in
Don't wait till later to think what might have been.

I run away from home

2005-08-19T09:43:00.000+09:30

I run away from home
The walls of bricks and stones
Lifeless and cold
I wonder what kind of world
I run away from home
With glorious picture in my mind
Of things I dreamt would come
I run far away still
Seeing the beauty laid upon within reach
Right in front of me
Feelings running high
Until the illusion is broken with a sigh
It has yet to come
Soon it will
Be patient still
I run away from home
With droplets of pearls pooling my little palms
As it seems an endless time to come
Seeking ones that are yet to be found
As the heart keeps pushing
While the mind keeps refusing
Taunting and tormenting the heart to give in
Feeding the heart with the bliss of serenity
Of accepting the what so called destiny
I run away from home
Hopes running high
Even the heart refuses to sigh
Nor being swayed by the mind
Breaking the made up illusion that confines
The real me behind
I run away from home
With hopes finally fulfilled
Right before the heart almost gave in
But this is just the beginning
Of a journey that is never ending.

-yatie-

darkness is part of my being

2005-08-17T00:56:00.000+09:30

the light seems so far away
the closer i go the more it seems to fade
darkness has become apart of my being
images might not show
until the eyes have grown to not seeing
and the brain forgets how beautiful real colours seem
in a distance the light was dimming low
and darkness was replaced with a glorious glow
but the mind seems to resist
it is the fact that does exist
while the eyes blinded with the brightness
tho for a mere split of second
it rarely comes to shed some lights upon
as it does i still fail to notice the beauty belied to be seeing
as darkness has become part of my being
when it is the mind that is deceiving

I wouldn't even call this a poem...but there is something that makes me write this thing. I don't even know what I wrote...

unthinkable deception from this person!

2005-08-15T12:08:00.000+09:30

my feeling rite now is just beyond description. i wouldn't have thought the phone call last nite would reveal something as outraging and unacceptable as it is. how could that person do such a thing?? all those innocent sympathetic stories told. i believed them all. how could i not?? who would lie about something like that?? gosh..maybe this is some sort of trial..thank you Allah for showing me the truth!after all this time..yep the truth is the truth..sooner or later the truth will show. but it is so unimaginable for someone as innocent as that to do such a thing, lie abt something as serious as that. who is that person? i don't know that person anymore. i dont even know what to believe anymore. nomore. never again. all those lies. it's a lesson i just learned. not to trust someone wholly. i know those lies didn't affect me profoundly physically but it totally changed my perception towards people. some people. anyone whom i'd just known. but i've known this person too long enough to not knowing there was something amiss in what this person told me. why why why??what is so profound that made this person act this way.. all these time this person was acting. a compliment!! i couldn't n wouldn't have thought it was all a lie. thanks to my other friend who's in the same boat as me. we were both deceived!!! are we that stupid or that person was really good. oh my goodness. alhamdulillah it has come to an end. i will never ever lay eyes or talk to that person anymore. all those time we were sympathetic and considerate and caring wasted on nothing but a deception! Ya Allah thanks for showing me the truth. i know that person did not do any harm towards us but Allah knows to what extent this person would go. well it's such a waste to even think of it anymore. so much for this distraction i didn't stay up last nite. i'd hate to think of it. i just wanted to brush this thing off my mind. no more conscience and pathetic pity towards this person. alhamdulillah at least i know this person lied abt those stuff and this person is not that unlucky..i'm just hoping this person would change and that all the lies made would not backfire to this person. i feel free now...alhamdulillah

2005-08-14T17:33:00.000+09:30

Assalamualaikum w.r.b. Baru balik dr swimming. Penat sangat. Tapi satu perasaan yang sgt best sebab rasa macam lemak2 berkurang sket. Cuma satu jer la ta tadi. bosan. kwn2 yang lain semua tak datang. cume due tiga org jer..semangat pon xder sgt. buat ikut dan aje. tapi alhamdlillah improving w/pon dah berbulan2 tak gi swimming. ade jer benda yg menghalang. entahlah tahun ni macam aku jadik malas tahap gaban. tak mcm tahun lepas. sejauh Payneham road pon aku sanggup cycle semata2 nak gi swimming. dah cycle swimming lagi and then cycle back home. hurm yg peliknyer exercise banyak tp berat tak kureng2 jugak thn lepas. ntah cmner sem 1 ni leh laks turun banyak. sbb mkn pon ikut dan aje dok hostel kan. tak payah nak pikir masak utk org lain, jadiknyer lebih kurang aje. pape pon lepas ni aku tak mau jadikan alasan tak exercise sesibuk mane pon. kan penting utk otak jugak. lain sbnrnyer bile rase fit n tak fit. lemah layu jer kalau lama tak exercise. erm kalau rajin kengkadang pegila jogging jugak and paling2 malas tak mau kuar umah wat aerobic jer la. paksa gak diri kalau tak jadik tong bergerak la aku. well entry ni xder banyak info nak dikongsi. cume nak melalut sendiri aje. aku bosan and penat and entah..segala macam perasaan yang tak best. entah. lately mcm tak stabil w/pon zahirnye org nmpak biasa jer. mungkin aku tgh berperang dgn perasaan sendiri about things. banyak benda yg aku pikir and pikir tp cam lg buntu. konpius. aku rase mcm dh clear aper yg aku nak. cume aku lum ader real drive toward mende tu yet..the drive is not strong enuf.. and the best way utk aku start..to change myself for myself..nak buang sikap n tabiat lama yg mmg xkan bwk aku kemana..it'll get me nowhere..where to start? that's the thing. and how? sometimes rase terkilan sbb diri ni tak sebagus org lain..dlm banyak benda..even towards myself.. rase mcm aku tak pernah treat diri sendiri fairly..kesian kt diri aku..hurm aiseh tu la bile penat sgt kengkadang trus emo and sensitive..pape pon aku doakan semoga Allah bg kekuatan kt diri aku dalam segala benda yang aku buat. dan harapnye dpt keredhaan dr Nya. ameen.

pape entah..buhsan

2005-08-02T21:38:00.000+09:30

hurm skrg tgh blank giler mmg xder idea gsung nak tulis aper...cam maleh giler..xleh nak pikir dah..kepala pon asyik pusing jerr..erm nothing much happened..entah..xder benda yg menarik perhatian langsung nak dikongsi..erm maybe the way i'm viewing things now dh berubah ker..dah tak critical..neway when did i start being critical and observant..well slalu 'critic' org ader la..susah tul..err tadi call fatin mase kt uni..borak punyer borak sejam gak..what better way to pass the time anyway, and money of coz..mentang2 la baru masuk duit replenish arr everything..tapi this time kena jimat arr xmau lg jadik cam sblm ni hutang keliling pinggang..aiseh kecik2 dh banyak hutang...susah gak kalo jadik tabiat or habit..hancus2..erm basically bual ntah paper gak si dak fatin nih..huhu no offense yer fatin..skett2 yer arr abt stupid guyz.gurl's thing they say i say and maybe u say...fatin it's all in the mind when u really think of it..there's alwiz gonna be things that would give u distraction from ur real purpose or focus..rite??tu la kiter ni jgn ikut perasaan nanti diri sendiri yg suffer...we gotta be open minded abt things..destiny or fate or whatever u wanna call it, we have to accept things..face the real fact of life...love is not a sin but it's actually a gift, not to be obsessed with but to cherish in the manner set out by the Allah..and there is no love that is greater than the love for Allah and from Him..the Truest, Purest, Greatest of a love one could have ever asked for...well talking abt love might sound jiwang to some ppl..but isn't it human nature to love and be loved by someone, be it family, friends or whomever else..u name it...i dont know anyone who could go on living without love..maybe that's not a life at all..after all...hurm mum i love u so much!!and also my frens..i love u guyz...

Ooo pengganas kerr...?

2005-07-14T15:42:00.000+09:30

hurm sebenarnyer aku tengah mengantuk sangat la sekarang, padahal baru kul 3.40 ptg. So lompat2 blog org jap..nak gak tau aper ke mende yg jadik brite hangat skang..hurm mcm2 la..ade setengah org tulih pasal aper mende dier buat hari-hari..which would be really interesting to read if dia tu celebrity ke aper kan..ade gak yang tulis pasal isu2 semasa..sebab tu aku suka bace blog pakdi. sentiasa peka dengan perkembangan semasa. mesti banyak gile membace. aku laks jenis yang xsuka bace paper. tau memang penting. kena la tau aper jadik kat dunia luar sekarang kan. tapi besa la kalo nak bace pon buku2 crite ker aper..yang tak peningkan kepala la kirenyer..sebab asyik2 politik la masalah sosial la kt paper tu..jadik pening dibuatnyer. tapi kena gak tau kalau tak cam katak bawah tempurung arr tak tau aper mende berlaku. neway seteruk-teruk aku pon takde la sampai taktau langsung apa jadik sekarang. yang kat London tu.. hurm kalau ade orang yang taktau atau saja-saja tak amik tau tu memang keturunan orang asli yang duduk jauh dalam hutan kut, di luar coverage la kut. especially sebab orang kaitkan dengan kite kan..amboi skett2 kait ngan Islam, skett2 Islam. Islamic terrorist, Islamic barbarians whatever..how about Christian terrorists that kill millions of children, women and innocent people mase serang Iraq tu.
takde la nak kate aper yang the what-so-called terrorists did was right. IF they are the ones who did it..and neway what rights that bloody blair has to straightaway name a particular party or an organization even when it has not yet been proven. anything would be possible..why relates any bombing to Islam, the religion instead of the people..? what do you call the terrorists who are christian, hindus or buddhist?? you don't refer them by their religion, do you?? tu la kan..memang nampak sangat ketidakadilan kat dunia ni..semua nak menuding jari kat Islam, agama yang mementingkan keamanan, tak suka keganasan. tetibe jer nak salahkan Islam and the muslims as a whole..sebenarnyer mereka ni yang paranoid sendiri tak tentu pasal..ye la kalau dah buat kezaliman kat orang2 Islam, cam kat Iraq tu mestilah paranoid takut kena balik. kalau tak takkan la ye ye jer nak tuduh camtu jer..
hurm entah. aku sebangai seorang individu muslim. memang la sangat bimbang. apatah lagi aku kat Australia yang pro britain and US ni. mase aku mula-mula sampai sini pernah gak arr kena harrass, by being called names and yelled at something like.."poor f***ing b*t*h"..very nasty tapi itulah orang2 yang sangat racist dan tak ade kepala otak. sebab orang lain yang buat nak lepaskan geram at orang lain. amboi..kalau nak ikutkan tu baru jer sket bangsa die yang mamfus sebab kena bomb. yang umat Islam kat Iraq, Palestin, Bosnia berjuta2 kena bunuh tu kite xder laks layan dier mcm tu kalau dia datang Malaysia ker.. siap bagi layanan first class lagi . tu la orang kita. memuja-muja sangat bangsa kulit putih ni..erm xnak ckp banyak pasal dieorg ni pon. walaupon ader rupe yang ensem jelita, tapi dalam kosong tak bermakna. tak berselera tengok. perangai pon sejenis jer, memang dah boleh agak. tapi takde la semua.alhamdulillah ramai jer yang convert into Islam atas hidayah yang Allah bagi. tapi yer la apa pon yang berlaku adalah takdir Allah semua. kena terima tapi takde la bermakna nak duduk dia jer, Buat takat yang termampu.
kembali kepada aku pulak. cam tau sangat jer pasal benda politik dan politikus dunia ni. tapi terpaksa jugak tau perkembangan sebab in the end akan affect kite gak. walaupon cam aku nak amik tau pasal politik ni, takde la aku nak pening kepala pikir banyak ngalahkan PM laks. takat peka jer la and beware slalu.. especially kat sini. alhamdulillah takat ni takde aper2 yang tak diingini. mintak2 dijauhkan ALlah, nauzubillah. Aku takat mampu doa dan tawakkal jer sebab sebagai manusia biasa apa la daya. mak aku kata walau kat mana2 pon jangan la kite takut jadik seorang muslim sebab kat mana pon kaki kita pijak semuanye adalah bumi ALlah. lantak la Bush ke Blair ker dajal ker cmne power sekalipon, depa pon pijak bumi hak Allah. kalau Allah nak bumi telan depa pon dah lama dah.. tapi tu lah orang2 camni Allah nk spare dier so suatu hari nanti dia akan dapat balasan yang dasyat. apa-apa pon sekarang, aku nak study jer dengan giler2..takde arr sampai gila InsyaAllah. nak pulun lelebih..nak buktikan I can do it. yes. semoga Allah bagi hidayah kat aku dan permudahkan aku dalam segala benda yang aku buat. ameen..

Duties of Brotherhood in Islam

2005-07-13T23:56:00.000+09:30

I was in Adelaide masjid for the usual Friday usrah last week. Most of the time I was a bit quiet. Had lot of things on my mind wif exams just over and now worrying bout the result and so on. Didn't feel like talking much. Hurm twas quite awkward but I just got over it. The first session with the brothers was about Seerah of the Prophet Muhammad. Most of the time I didn't really concentrate on what it was all about this time. Too bad I couldn't really focus on it and it was entirely my fault for coming late. But at least I learnt a few things during the second session with the sisters. Jana talked about the book Duties of Brotherhood in Islam written by Imam AL-Ghazali. Erm it also applies to the women of coz! Basically it was about the duties you have towards your brothers or sisters in Islam or in another word friends maybe. Those duties are
1. material assistance
2. personal aid
3. holding one's tongue
4. speaking out
5. forgiveness
6. prayer
7. loyalty and sincerity
8. informality

But of coz we didn't have that much time to talk about the whole duties tho. So we chose the duty holding one's tongue. That really intrigued me. Personally I think this is one of the hardest or maybe the hardest part of it. It may sound simple enough but no. Talking is so so easy that sometimes we say things without even thinking what it might do to anyone or ourself. Especially talking behind someone's back. 'Gurls' thing' they say. You can't put more than one girl together long enough to without having them start gossiping about something..someone. Gosh I find it hard myself. I simply can't keep my mouth shut man. I might as well not talk at all. What do you think the gurls mostly do spending hours together?? Or else they wouldn't have spent time together..don't tell me they spend time doing activities which does not involve talking and talking bla bla bla. How beautiful Islam is to set out that it is in fact our duty to hold our tongue or keep our mouth shut from blurting out bad things about other people rather than treating it as a courtesy or a moral thing that one should do.

Ibn al_Mubarak said:
"The believer tries to find excuses for others, while the hypocrite looks out for mistakes"

That's just one of the examples actually. You should in many circumstances hold your tongue. For instance:
- When your friend confided something in you regardless of whether she said it's a secret or not, you should KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. Which I find so hard to do at times coz like i said words just slip your tongue without you even thinknig or realizing that you were revelaing something about someone to another person which might be the wrong person to be told. And imagine what that would do to the person that had confided in you. And when she finds out what you did, even if i were that person I won't ever trust myself. Then again, why would I or even anyone else still wanna do it? There are sayings ;

"The breasts of free men are the tombs of secrets"

Maybe when you're sort of a gossiping person, your life will never be peaceful coz people will bug you all the time to get new stories out of you. And they themselves wouldn't wanna trust you to tell you anything about them.

"The fool's heart is in his mouth, but the intelligent man's tongue is in his heart"

Although sometimes I feel worried of being a quiet person, when I think of this, it's actually an advantage coz the more you talk, the more bad things might come out and what would that reflect of you to people? Although people might wanna listen to your gossip or bad things about other people, you've in fact shown how you can also talk behind their back. They would get a clear picture of how bad a person you are and u can hardly find a true friend. Hardly!

- When your friend is in distress or something, she might treat you badly. Or ignoring you whatever. I've had that recently. Isn't annoying when you really think of it? Coz what the heck. Why would she wanna put the blame on you for her own emotional state or problems whatever?And you might sometime feel how unfair it is, don't you? If I didn't think much I would have given her the same treatment. Yep I did that. Stupid isn't it. But I couldn't control myself and maybe coz I was only thinking for myself. As if I was never in her situation. Did I even ask her what was going on or something? Nope, I did not. Then why would I make things worse by doing that, giving her a cold shoulder just becoz she ignored you when you didn't even consider what was on her mind?? Exactly. Why ekk??Hurm no idea. I personally think that's a normal reaction people have. And how hard it is to hold you tongue and stop yourself from giving her a piece of your bloody mind. Things were bad enough but I only made it worse by adding the salt to the wound. I read somewhere from one of the motivation books sometime ago. When you're having a problem in a realationship with someone, be it friends whatever, think of the good things you had together, the time spent, how much that person had been a good friend to you in the past, then consider whether it would be worth it to just spoil the good things you had together out of a silly dilly little bad things that he/she did to you. Sounds simple enough, isn't it. IF we make it simple. Well about the gurl, well after a few days, things got back to normal. She was the one who actually started to talk to me. It was actually nothing. SILLY of me. Now I'm a loser, coz I was not strong enough to be the one to do it. I made it a big deal out of a small thing and didn't want to get over it. Now who's the one who got problem??? ;p <---- - Erm what else. Well, I actually hardly do this, don't like it anyway, but some people really love to probe into other people's affair. Even it's your best friend. Never think that being a best friend you have the right to know everything about her. She also got a right to have secrets. The Prophet once said:
"Do not spy and do not pry. Do not severe relationships and do not fall out, but serve God as brothers"

That's about it, more or less from what I got in the usrah. It made me look back to myself, assessing what better traits I have more than others than I can actually judge them based on the little dittle unpleasant behavior they have. It is like a piece of white paper laid down in front of you. If you take a pen and put a little dot in somewhere on the paper, you won't even notice the whole white spaces but the dot. That's very human in fact, so easy for us to see other people's faults or weaknesses no matter how insignificant they are without remembering that they have something good. And how about yourself??

movin' out..finally

2005-07-11T22:41:00.000+09:30

again..hopefully this fourth time of moving around would be the last time..i've had enuf of it..this place is really cool n the best ever..too excited about it last nite that i wasnt able to sleep..to heck wif my sore back and arms..it's the first time for me to move out without thinking it as such an ordeal..but one thing! a lot of malaysian students here..not that i dont like em..just that soon this place is really gonna be 'the village' of the malaysian students..whaever..as long as they mind their own business..that's abt it..been so long since i posted sumting..dont really have much to do...it's one of the worst thing to have holiday and not having money to really enjoy it..not that u cant enjoy without money but still..not when ur really really short on cash that u gotta be confined in ur own house coz getting out means the gotta have cash...never mind i couldnt be bothered much coz i didnt feel like goin out n 'enjoy' tho. what does it mean to enjoy neway..so this holiday been spending most of my days all by myself, alone wif really not much to do but sleep..the worst part of it to say..but alhamdulillah been thinking bout stuff..good stuff..good plannings for my upcoming semester..yep dats what always do everytime new semester's coming tho in the end the outcome seems the same..but never to late to give up does it..well wif the coming of my new semester, i'm just hoping things would get better..wif myself, my friends and people..

money oh money

2005-06-19T19:02:00.000+09:30

It can buy a House
But not a Home

It can buy a Bed
But not Sleep

It can buy a Clock
But not Time

It can buy you a Book
But not Knowledge

It can buy you a Position
But not Respect

It can buy you Medicine
But not Health

It can buy you Blood
But not Life

So you see, Money isn't everything. And it often causes pain and suffering.I tell you all this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering...
So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. A more true Friend you will never find.

First things first

2005-06-07T22:37:00.000+09:30

How should I do this?? Give priority towards things which are so important. There'll always be something that gets in the way whenever I want to do it. When....
1. I'm supposed to do my tutorial and read the text books, I'd find an old novel which I've read so many times before much much more interesting and waste the whole lot of time reading it again
2. My assignment is almost due, I'd find myself more interested in studying or doing works for other subjects
3. My exam is around the corner, I find the tv shows so much more entertaining that I'd glued myself to the seat, forgetting for a sec that I haven't finished my revision
4. I'm studying in front of a computer, I'd waste 3/4 of that time surfing, checking out things on the net and blogging with a sudden numerous ideas on what to write...

Anyway, what the heck am I doing rite now when I'm suposed to be studying..No worries no more update till after the exam..

-Hypertension case stage 1-

The two most dreaded words "study and exam"

2005-06-03T17:01:00.000+09:30

I don't know how these two words are able to give such an impact to anyone. I had never met anyone who really 'love' studying in my entire life. This whole thing about studying and sitting for exams is appaling to anyone I'd ever known. Even myself. what the heck is wrong with everyone by the way. Definitely it's the mentality thingy. It's always been set out in our minds by friends, parents or whatever that the whole thing about studying is dreadful that it has become such an ordeal to sit in a one or two hours lecture in one day. If only we'd not been fed with such mentality. yeah rite there's always good things people have to say about how important education is. But that's it. Just the importance of it instead of pointing out how wonderful and fun learning would be.
Although I'm saying about this thing as if I really 'fancy' and 'adore' studying, I'm sorry to say that I find it really really difficult to really love it. I hate it sometime to the breaking point that I just want to get on with life having nothing to do with it. But then what's the point of living if you don't learn coz that's the only way you can make the most of your life. Besides, how would you feel that you don't know even simple simple things that other people do. Maybe that's one major reasons people start getting real education coz they wanna catch up with other people in this fast moving world. That's that. Just to compete with each other and see who got the better of whom. And to get real job with 'real money'. You get education just to get a piece of paper to show to the interviewer in order for you to get a job to make money to feed yourself your family and go and have fun sometimes shopping or travelling. Yeah that's what's it's all about to some people.
For myelf, I'm ashamed to admit that I don't really have a vision or mission in life, tho I'm doing accounting course rite now. I really have no idea where my life would lead to. I never even dare to dream of being rich or wealthy or successful more than other people. Or more knowledgebale in a way that makes me more special than other people. I sorry for myself. I really do. I'm so scared to even think of how my future would turn out. I don't want to think much of it. But is that the right thing to do? I have no idea. When I bragged about this thing to my mum, how I'm so scared of being in uni, or working in the future she would say just do your best now and don't think much about the future. When the time comes, you would do just fine, coz rite now you're not in it. Well that does make a lot of sense, in a way. But it won't hurt sometimes to plan your life ahead. I mean, not that you have to plan your life for the next 10 years. Why don't we just start planning our life one week ahead. Yeah rite easier said than done isnt it. Been trying to do that but to no avail that I sometimes just let fate drive my life. No plan, no worries. Pretty short cut.
It's such a wonder sometimes when you look back in your life how fast the time passes by that you would wish to reverse and get back all the time you've missed to do something you should've done. Just like studying. I've had lots of regret before this about how I used to procrastinate and when the exam comes I couldn't do anything but panicking and regretting the time I'd wasted doing nothing. The dreadful feeling was beyond description. But still I didn't learn the lesson. I keep doing it over and over again without even recalling how I'd had regrets about it before. Was it just me or everyone?
I think this whole thing about exam and study doesn't stop there. Everything in life revolves around it. You don't just learn in school and get out of it not affected by what you'd learn. You'd be surprised how much it can help you when you're into the real world, and maybe maybe you would wish you'd done much much better in shcool or uni when you're facing the real life. I know I can't be relieved when I'd finished exams in school or uni coz the biggest one is waiting for me in the real world. I'm not so sure now if i really wanna get over with my study now coz then I gotta face bigger challenges and more dreadful facts of life out there. Hurm I'm sounding like I've been in it already and so experienced that I can have any say in this. In fact no. I'm just too scary to much and worry too much. You'll never know what the outcome would be, but never let it bother too much. Just like my mum says, just do your best for now, and you'll come out just fine in the end.
And no matter how how dreadful study and exam is in your life, maybe one should remember that's the only way you learn how to live your life and make the most of it. Enjoy your 'learning' while you can!

something i got from somewhere

2005-06-03T16:37:00.000+09:30

Message:
~Firman Allah: "Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu, ALLAH mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui" (Al-Baqarah:216)

ingatkah dikau di mana di dalam sejarah sepasang mata menjadi hadiah?"kenapa kau mengikutiku?"

"Aku tertarik dengan kecantikanmu"Jawapan yang cukup angkuh,Namun mengundang seribu sesalan

Muslimat Contohilah wanita itu

Bukanlah dengan mencungkil matamu

Tetapi dengan menjaga peribadimu

Wahai muslimat:Aku sering bertanya

Bagaimana engkau masih sanggup Memaniskan muka Menghadiahkan senyuman Meramahkan bicara Kepada lelaki yang bukan muhrim

Apakah engkau ini berani Menguji jiwa lelaki Yang sememangnya diciptakan Allah Dahaga kepada keindahan wanita

Walaupun sekadar muka yang manis Benar Wanita itu telah menemui ajalnya Namun diiringi keredhaan Ilahi Dan diinsafi seorang lelaki Yang akhirnya menjadi sufi Muslimat begitulah perjuanganmu

Tundukkan pandanganmu Keraskan suaramu Seriuskan perwatakanmu Tampilkan ketegasanmu Bila engkau di depan atau di belakang Atau di kiri atau di kanan lelaki Ketuk keegoan mereka Bangunkan mereka dari mimpi

Jelaskan dengan amalmuBahawa percampuran bukan caranya

Bahawa keseronokan ini palsu

Bahawa di sini tiada kebahagiaan

Hanya kehancuranMuslimatInilah jalanmuLalu mungkin

Engkau akan melihatDi kalangan remaja iniAkan lahir Rijaluddin

Berjiwa pejuang Sebagaimana lahirnya Sebagaimana bangkitnya Da'ie bernama Hassan Al-Basri

Bila sepasang mata menjadi hadiah renungkanlah dengan mata hati kerana pandangan mata selalu menipu,pandangan akal selalu tersalah, pandangan nafsu selalu melulu pandangan hati itu yang hakiki

hurm

2005-05-18T15:10:00.000+09:30

hurm...

alhamdulillah dh hantar assignment isnin haritu..lepas dah satu beban..tu la padan muka sape suruh wat keje last minute..camtu la jadinyer..3 hari berturut2 stay kt uni sampai pagi..memalam jadik burung hantu siang2 jadik koala.what is going on wif me..neway skrg dh leh adjust skett skut..still ngantuk laks biler lecture and classes..nak kate xcukup tido pon xder sgt.ter over lg ade laa..my life is turning upside down now..aper nak jadik entahler..tu la manusia ni mmg xhargai mase kan.,.hehe cam nak salahkn org lain gak jer..sbbnyer mmg ramai org cmtu..lg2 org melayu.susah sgt nk punctual.tu dah nampak dah xpentingkan mase..kalau la tetiba satu hari kite dpt tau nk hidup lg sebulan jer, aper kiter nk buat..nak keje pulun keje cari duit puas2??ker nak cube wat ibadah banyak2..?hurm...????susah tu kan..masalahnyer kalau tau biler nak mati lg la senang..ni ntah biler ntah..wallahua'lam..
skrg exam dah nak dekat sgt dah..ish kalau study last minit lg mesti kantoi nnti..suffer laks in the end..insyaAllah nk cube wat tul2..nk start skrg..nasib baik kt hostel ade kwn yg rajin study n dtg uni memalam..leh ikut dier termotivated skett nk study..kalo kt bilik pantang nampak katil..nk landing jerr...err merapu jap
hurm xder benda yg menarik sgt arr dua tiga hari ni..benda yg membengangkan ade arr..ade mase tgh wat assignment tu aku check frenster..tetibe mak oii..pesal semacam jerr profile aku..benda lucah2 lg..man!that sux..i got hacked..tu dier abih considerate arr tu ckp dier hack akunyerr frenster..tu ok lg..tetibe aku nampak kt bulletin board sekor dak ni tulih "aper kena dgn hidayati??''..aku punyer bulltein post pon ade..pastu aku bukak..mak oi!hampeh sial bengong tolol semua kuar..bengang sgtt..sape tak bengang..si dak sial yg hack akunyerr frenster ckp mende lucah kt situ..abih arr aku semua org bace benda tu!!aku mmg xterkata aper..aku rase kalo aku tau sape buat mmg aku penggal arr kepala dier..ha geram arr ni..kalo org tak geram xtau arr..aku yg tak pernah2 post kt bulletin tetibe nk ckp menda2 lucah laks...si dak sekor tu cam percaya jer..pastu bkn nk tanya aku gi announce kt bulletin tu.tanya in private xleh ker.. xder arr nkl salahkn dier tp bengong arr gi post kt bulletin pasal tu wat per..mmg abih sial arr..xkire nk mencarut jugak..aku geram sgt..hurm..astaghfirullah..aper nk jadik nih..td cam ok jer kan..tu la biler ingat pasal benda ni sape tak marah..mmg la sabar..tp aku nk jugak luah aper aku rase..budak hacker yg sial tu dh la melayu..semestinyer islam kan..aper nak jadik ngan dak2 skrg nih..memfitnah sesama muslim..jatuhkan nama baik aku..ader ramai lg laks mangsa dier..dh abih xder keje nk buat hidup org miserable..suatu hari dia akan dpt balasan..aku xnk doa yg xbaik utk org cmtu..mmmg Allah akn balas arr aper die buat even aku tak nyumpah dier pon..tu la..aper rasenyer difitnah???lebih2 lg org percaya ko nak wat benda camtu...tu la biler pk balik kalau kiter dengar yg tak baik pasal seseorg jgn cepat percaya dan tuduh dierr..mesti ader sbb musababnyer..tu la pengajaran yg aku dpt drp benda ni..n pasal sumpah menyumpah tu aku maybe tak maksudkan..mintak2 Allah bukakkan hati org ni n bg hidayah kt dierr.....

tete a tete

2005-05-12T15:16:00.000+09:30

hurm just wanna update my blog..just to let people know i'm still very much alive..well physically yes but literally no..oh god i have tons of works and i'm not acting like i have though and that's the biggest problem wif me..was it wif the holiday in sydney that suddenly put my study life upside down..maybe i just couldnt get over the holiday i had last term break..so ye just havta remember one thing dude, when ur on holiday enjoy it to the most and when ur on ur study just study..i just cant do it.well i tried.hurm maybe trying is not enough.i'll just havta do it.i wanna do it.yes that's the spirit..dont mind me readers.i'm just motivating myself.
erm other than my study life, there's really not much to tell these past few weeks.well maybe there is. i just changed my room in the hostel i'm staying now.just that been having problems wif the old room.i felt like i was in a hospital room.well it was a hospital room and the fact surely didnt make me feel any happier..who would be tho..and there was also the loud banging noise from the other room..i just couldnt bear it..soi annoying i felt like banging some sense into those heads for making the noise.just the thought tho.and there was also some disputes between me and one of the gurls i used to hang out wif in the hostel. to think of it, it was really nothing. maybe just a gurl's thing.u dont even have to say there's any problem at all, u can feel it.but now it's getting better coz i've taken it to my head not to let that kinda small things get into my way.it's just way too unworthy of being given a thought. hurm and i've developed this belief that human beings are that way.there's always something bad and unacceptable that we find in each other, and it leads to what end??none!so i just accept things or people as they are or else just let them be.u be urself and remain true to urself.thanks to one of the books i read, i found that u cannot change how people are, but u can change how you feel towards what they are.
hurm that's about it for now.
cheers...

2005-04-25T22:18:00.000+09:30

after the helicopter ride...it was fantastic,superb, wonderful...just beyond description..well we were so intoxicated we didnt get over the wondrous feeling

2005-04-25T22:17:00.000+09:30

the giant sea horse..wow! i wouldnt know it looks exactly like a sea horse if i didnt see it from up here...my gosh..what a miracle..

2005-04-25T22:16:00.000+09:30

roger,line clear...hehe...i'm the co-pilot for the day mam..i hope u enjoy ur ride..i ASSURE you this is 100% guaranteed ur safe wif me.

2005-04-25T22:14:00.000+09:30

the 12 apostles...i was sooooo amazed and thrilled seeing these beautiful apostles...SubhanAllah

2005-04-25T22:13:00.000+09:30

i really love this pic...its somewhere in great ocean rd..the rainbow makes it the more beautiful...

2005-04-25T22:12:00.000+09:30

this is some of the creative arts i left..and then look what happen..some bloody koalas or whatever got the gut to ruin it...

2005-04-25T22:10:00.000+09:30

i look bloody relaxed dont i...hehe..i was imagining myself flying up to the mountain...

2005-04-25T22:08:00.000+09:30

Thredboin Canberra...up in the snowy mountain which is not snowing at this time of year...too bad isnt it.i'd love skiing not considerng the possibility of breaking my neck or any other part of my body hehe...maybe someday i will ski here...

2005-04-25T22:06:00.000+09:30

in jenolan cave somewhere near blue mountain..we just finished the tour cave..it was totally cool..really really cool..see how excited i was..hehe besides what an experiece, never thought i would see something so beautiful inside the cave..

2005-04-25T21:57:00.000+09:30

sydney opera house and the bridge at nite.i was on the cruise to get this pic..beautiful isnt it..

2005-04-25T21:55:00.000+09:30

wow isnt that the great sydney opera house?that great huh?hurm maybe not on my second thought

2005-04-25T21:54:00.000+09:30

yeah rite thats me..that was in errr sort of the famous casino in sydney but of coz we didnt go in..i was on the hop on hop off bus

2005-04-25T21:52:00.000+09:30

statue of liberty wif no torch in sydney???ru kidding me..

2005-04-25T21:50:00.000+09:30

come on lets go in...

Habit busting or habit boosting

2005-04-03T16:18:00.000+09:30

Habit busting or habit boosting

So much for the new book I’ve just finished reading, habit busting or habit boosting I have no idea at all. These past few days I was not functioning very well. Been neglecting my works for quite sometime, tutes, lecture thing etc. I simply hate feeling this sort of uselessness and hopelessness. However, the thing is I’ve been reading a book on getting rid of bad habits, and otherwise happen. I’ve actually been boosting my bad habits. Guess I need the what-so-called reversed psychology. My brain certainly is showing resistance to pressure and urges to change the way my body wants to function or act. Don’t know if it’s a good idea after all to try pushing my own limit to change. But no I won’t give in to this. I’m quite positive it’s not the book. I got other things on my mind lately. That’s it. So many things going on that for a time I’ve failed to refocus on what I’m doing and what I’m supposed to do.

Never mind whatever happened still happened. They can never be undone. I’ll just have to live the present and the future with better prospects, wont I? But the thing is, no matter what I have done and what I haven’t, I really feel good. It’s been so long since I feel my mind is so opened up and free. And I feel that I’m beginning to look at things on different perspective and grounds. Bad things, good things whatever. Right now I really feel like sharing what I’ve got from the book I’ve read, HABIT BUSTING, A 10 step plan that will change your life by Patrick McNally. Might sound too good to be true, isn’t it? But of course it takes lots of practices and courage to really apply it. I’ll just go about it ‘quite’ briefly though.

Step 1: to know what habit really is.

It’s pretty interesting to know that actually we (most of us) tend to delude ourselves that how bad and horrible persons we are, it is nothing that can be changed because it’s our nature. But the thing is, that’s not who we really are and these sort of behavior or habits are very much changeable as good as we can change our style of dressing. What I like most (something that really make me start feeling good about myself) is that, he reminded us the fact that we are not born with those traits, but we picked them all up and they have become our ‘second’ nature, not our first nature. And it goes with the quote by John Dryden:

We first make our habits, and then our habits make us.

I really felt good knowing this thing, though it’s bloody obvious, I’m pretty sure most of us might have never given such a thought of that, the fact that we’ve been picking up habits from people around us, be it our parents, or friends whatever.
And another intriguing thing is that, it all started from our minds, the way we think that formed whatever habits we got. The mind apparently is the key to break it all up, our ‘bad’ habits. Just leave good habits alone though, I wish I had those good ones. Albert Einstein said:

If you can’t change your mind, are you sure you still have one?

Basically what he’s conveying is that, change is very much possible. Gosh I always thought I’m always going to be stuck with whatever bad habits I have, like being hot tempered, procrastinating etc. this is the best thing that ever happened to me, knowing that somehow there’re ways of making my life so much less miserable and better in the future. I feel free of the thought that there are things that are just off limit to me like changing for the better. William James said:

The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.

There’re so many other quotes by famous successful people in history that I really love because they are so inspiring. But I wouldn’t want to put everything in here though. So basically when I read all those quotes, I’ve realized that these people must have hold onto this kind of faith, or belief, and that’s what made them successful in whatever they did, or do. Forsake the fact that they might not have applied it in their own lives whatever, there’s still no denying of the fact that it’s very true and sensible.

In a nutshell, breaking a bad habit is possible. Be it whatever you call it, your personality, or your behavior, you don’t actually have to be that way. Yes! I don’t have to be the way I am now. I want to be happy and changes for the better will do just that.

Step 2: using your imagination

He implied that all we have to do to change our life is to change our mind and it’s not going to be that simple. We have to stop feeling bad and start to feel good about ourselves. But feeling good is not a one time event, it is a decision we make minute by minute, day by day and hour by hour. ‘We’ have to create it.
He provided a lot of mind exercises which I tried to do, but of course you wouldn’t feel the difference just yet. I wouldn’t say I’ve managed o finally gotten rid of the bad habits I got, just that I was inspired to do it. Get rid of it. Manipulate my mind towards achieving just that. I have to get accustomed to it. Though I cant get rid of em just yet, I’ll just have to start imagining i have and how good it feels. i love this quote by John Updike:

Dreams come true: without that possibility nature would not incite us to have them.

So dream up! Of course dream only for good things to happen in your life. I myself wouldn’t wanna have nightmares and expect them to come true. Would you? I’m beginning to understand that we should not think of bad things to happen to us as if we’re expecting them to happen. Instead of worrying about the unknown bad things whatever, it’ll make us feel good to dream or expect good things to happen to us. That’ll make us feel really good that we begin to find ways to make it really happen. What mind says the body does, right? So I’ve finally resolved the confusion about this thing. And if I think I will never be able to stop procrastinating, then I will do nothing about it since my mind says so. And it’ll tell you that it’ll be very futile for you to change, coz that’s the way you are, man! Stop this bullshit. Say that to anyone, even yourself if you have even a little thought like that. And blow off those people who said that to you. Ops not a really good idea though. I really feel astonished by this discovery. So, from now on, I have to stop deluding myself that I can never have control over my life, on what I want, or what I need and what I do.

To be continued...

21st April 2005

not able to continue my review...

too bad for that.actually i borrowed that book from the library and i had to return it. hurm never mind as long as i understood what's it all about in overall...if i really want to change i don't necessarily have to do the exact 10steps rite..there're thousands of ways to do just to accomplish that.everything starts from within,the good the bad whatever.basically it has the same theory and application if not in exact way or method.

here and there

2005-03-23T12:39:00.000+10:30

there's not much to tell these past few days. nothing extraordinary happening. but that's just life, isn't it? nothing would be called extraordianry if it happens everyday. then life would be so boring. yes maybe something good's goin to happen this week. i really can't wait for the lecture by Syeikh Khalid Yassin (click to read an interview with him) on this easter weekend. to heck with the easter BBQ on this saturday. i'm so glad i don't really have to go. and the good thing is some of my friends in the hostel are going too although they have the BBQ. thank goodness i don't have to cope with the banging of the loud music all night like the previous weeks. it's so untolerable how they can have party almost every week, and right in the backyard which is facing my window. the un'sound proof' window. hurm yesterday i went to the community centre to borrow some books. hehe guess what those books are. i think i would really recommend them to others. when i finish reading then maybe i'll make a brief review about it and really recommend it to people. they're motivation books, books that guide you to change yourself, your way of thinking and seeing things from other perspectives in life. it's good enough i feel the need to change myself for the better, at least i have the willingness to do it. though i'll never know what the outcome is going to be but that's not the main point, is it?

and yesterday, before i went back home, i took a stroll with a friend along the Torrens River, which is right behind our uni. i've just realized how beautiful it is. alhtough i've been here for 3 semesters, i'd never even bothered to take a leisure stroll there. i felt such a tranquility just sitting by the river and admiring the beautiful scenery before us. and just wacthing the birds and the goose, i felt that all my stressful thoughts and problems had flown away with the them. that's is real life. life is not just working all out to make money, or studying to a breaking point to get good marks. life is about contemplating what's belied upon you by God to be admired and to really think, the real purpose of living. hurm maybe that was the thought for the day. i really should be doing it once in a while, just to put my mind off things that trouble me so much that i don't even have the feel for a real life anymore. it'll just be me and the river and the trees and the birds. nothing else matters. hurm what a good feeling.

A tiring but an unforgettable day

2005-03-20T00:04:00.000+10:30

A tiring but an unforgettable day

Today I woke up 'early' in the morning to get ready for work instead going to class. It's Friday and I didn't have any class today. A few days ago, I was really worried about having a really short cash to last me for another one month before my next allowance. Alhamdulillah (thank Allah) for giving me this 'rezq' (what so called unpredictable grant).

Allah is the All Generous and the All Forgiving to his servants. Like last week, I dropped my hand phone somewhere, and in my heart I was praying, Ya Allah please let me get back my hand phone, let someone nice find it. And whoosh that night I found out someone had my phone and I can get it back. Wouldn’t that teach you something? Deep down inside, I'm really grateful, not totally because I get back my two dollar phone, but because Allah did listen to me. Isn't that the best thing someone could feel? I’m not really boasting about this thing. Coz I know I'm not a real good Muslim. But Allah loves us, no matter how many people (non-Muslims or even Muslims) don't believe in Him, He still grants us whatever we want, sooner or later depending how much effort we put in it. Some people will just think or say, ha it's my good 'luck'. Most people don't believe in the wisdoms behinds everything that happens in their lives. There's not a single thing that happens for no reason at all, or because Allah hates us because we are bad people, He wants us to suffer all the time. If that's the case, we wouldn't even be here anymore. Instead Allah just spares us to live and learn in life and look for His true light and guidance. If we really want it, then He will generously grant it, His love and guidance. No matter how much sin we commit, He still spares us our good lives, and gives us the chance to look for His light. Ok now I’m not lecturing or whatever. However, I think it's really a shame on us if we think that we have to be a 'qualified preacher' to talk about religion matters, or Islam. Why can't we talk about it as part of our daily casual conversation instead of having to have to be hooked up in a formal function? I'll just come about it later after I've talked about my tiring and unforgettable day, which was today.

So, I found this job ad in uni website. It was really my day, I got it. And today, I went to David's house to start the work. He's actually selling the house, and you could have guessed how much work it's going to be. And here, I went there, all on my own (what a greedy jerk I've become, I should've asked one of my friends to come along) to his house. Not entirely for my selfishness or something, maybe a bit, but because he told me it's been cleaned a bit and I thought there wouldn't be 'that' much work. And David is not a family guy; he's living with his dog. That would have made drawn back if I were in Malaysia (something about safety). But there I was. I might as well finish the task. The first few hours I started working; it was a hell of energy poured out. Maybe coz I was just warming up, ye know living alone doesn't need that much work of cleaning and it's been so long since I worked really hard. So I had almost given up. But then I thought, 'hey he's paying per hour man, you just can't miss it'. Hehe I know I could've have just done the work slowly, delay here or delay there. Gosh I didn't do that of course. That's a really mischiveous thing to do. He's generous enough to pay $16 per hour and here he's wasting his money on someone who doesn't really deserve it. Hurm I was just smiling inside. I really took my whole energy out to scrub and scrub the floor, mop, then scrub again. Argh just forget the numb limbs and the backaches. Later. This is the real life. That really made me think of how hard the Indonesian people work in Malaysia, much worse they're sometimes underpaid for their hectic job. I felt like I was in their shoes at the moment, regardless of the good thought of being Cinderella. Haha I was all bended on the floor scrubbing it with a small piece of cloth exactly like Cinderella. That's not a really bad thought. Most of the time, while I was scrubbing the walls, the floor, I was thinking about things. And once in a while, I was talking to David. He's still living there though most of his furniture had been moved. He's a really nice guy, friendly and kind. See how generous enough of him to pay $16 per hour. The hard job pays well, so backaches forgotten. At least I don't really have to think of how I'm going to eat for the next one month. Hehe. There were a lot of things we talked about. Believe it or not, I worked for 7 hours, non-stopped. But here I am typing this thing, and still not feeling sleepy or something. I had only a few minutes break once in a while. Not that he’s monitoring me all the time. He just trusted me. Those few minutes I had coffee he made. Quite a boost for my energy. I simply get high on coffee.

There was one time, I said to him "David, can I have a few more minutes break coz I have to pray?" and he was like "ok." he gave me a puzzled look. Before that we talked something about religion and he said he's a good Christian and he asked me about Islam, my scarf and on and on. So soon after I finish my prayer, he came to me and asked "what did you pray for?" I was like daaa. But I just told him, "We Muslims have to pray 5 times a day". He said "ok, but you know we can pray at all time". Once again I thought daa. But I said "yes, of course. We can pray at all time too, any time. Only that this is the formal prayer". Then ok fine we went back to work. It was almost 6, and he said, ok makes it only 7 hours. My gosh, 7 hours, I didn't even realized I worked that long. And I just said ok. I think he wanted me to stop not because he wouldn't want to give any more money to me, but because he saw me so tired, and it's so late. That one, I'm very very sure.

And then right before I leave, he said he wanted to show me something. Guess what it was. It was a pamphlet about jesus, christianity. Hurm I thought ok. Then he gave me this lecture about how good Christian is and he said jesus 'love' us whatever so on and on. And he's sorry (not that he said it but he implied it) that we Muslims are so confined in our religion that women have to put on scarf and everything. He even said (as if he knew) that what make us pray are basically fear and the feeling of guilt of not doing it. That's about what I really 'listened' to what he said. I just ordered my mind to wander off somewhere for a while till he finished his preach. Soon after I left when I was out of his sight is tore up the pamphlet (just to make more room in the bin when I threw it). Hurm I know how some people will just be horrified to hear this. They would just get offended and they'll make a bad remark about it to people who're trying to preach other religion to them. but I've had this kind of thing happened to me before, not saying I'm used to it and get really immune to it, yeah sort of, but I'm trying to see from their point of view. I'm not going to take whatever they say into my mind, only what they're doing. I'm just so amazed how these people can do it. Why not we as Muslims start doing it? Preach among ourselves Muslims who need preaching, if you can't think of preaching the non-Muslims. But they can do that so openly, without any feeling of self consciousness or the fear of being rejected or brushed off. Maybe that's our problem. We tend to think that we leave all that matters up to the preachers in the mosques. And what about people who don't go to the mosque, don't they get any right to know about Islam, and be among the good and the right ones. I'm not really saying that we have to formally form a 'da'wah' group or something to do that, and make a formal discussion about it in a "closed-up" function, limited to only the 'better people' (who deluded themselves to think that they're better than the others who are not joining their group) and excluded the other people. Of course they want you to go to their function whatever, but how they do it just make people become more and more hesitant to even come close to them. Believe me I am actually one of them, the latter. Forsake the fact that I’ve been one of the former before; I've actually realized I got nothing more than the facts from the functions I went to. Maybe at times, when we were getting really hooked up about some issues regarding this and this and people were just so boosted about it. It simply lasted at that time, but that's that. When I went back home, I went blank again. There's nothing wrong with the knowledge I got from there, just the understanding of the people in there that really confuses me. How they really understand what’s going on. Not saying I understand better than them. Just that I don't. And it made me feel bad about it. Why would I wanna go all these time? What's the real reason? Of course to get knowledge. And I got exactly that and nothing more. No bonding with the people whatsoever. Though that’s what they're really stressing about, I never felt it. I just wondered, is it my own fault coz I'm a loner, hard-to-get-along person or whatever. Yeah I have some real strong bonding with some people because I've known them on other basis, such as my classmates, my course mates, my 'peers'. Now this is not the right time to talk about it, but I'll just let people know what I really think of that next time. The bonds formed is totally not because I go to the functions, far less because we're sisters in Islam. I probably can delude myself it's exactly because of that but for how long. I couldn't find myself to really love them. God forbids me for being frank.

Well I can go on and on pointing my one finger to others, only that the other four will point back at me. There's nothing wrong with Islam. It's very flexible and very open. I'm just saying my heart out loud how I really want to become a real Muslim and find the best way for that. Not make me like this, judging other people, and blaming them for my own lack of understanding. And here I am, feeling that I'm being judged when I would not be really certain about it. But I don't really have to wait till someone really voice out their judge mentality to me. You can always feel, because it's true or because you feel guilty about it. But no. I won't feel guilty for no reason. There's nothing whatsoever I have against my beloved religion, only against those who makes me feel like I'm not a good Muslim enough and have to suppress their bursting heart to voice exactly that to my face. Sorry. I'm just out of stock for that. I love Islam, and I want to make sure I love to be among people who'll really make me love Islam more and more, and really "work" for the religion instead of 'voicing out' and 'pointing out' whether to do this or that.

Well, that's actually the real unforgettable thing about my life today. The wisdom behind it. Not the events alone. But behind the events or things that happened to me in this short tiring day, I learnt something. And that's worth a thousand years. Until and for now.

nothing much

2005-03-18T00:02:00.000+10:30

this is the 4^th week of my new semester, and here I thought I’ve made a vow to myself not to miss ‘a’ class at all. easier said than done. if only the lecture wouldn’t be at 9 in the morning then I wouldn’t have much trouble getting up. hehe another excuse. the thing is I’m always a midnite cruiser. midnight is the beginning of my day. gush what an owl I’ve become. I shouldn’t have slept late last night. but I had to finish my tute. see how one thing leads to another. you delay one thing, then another thing comes up. the feeling was horrible. I was even late for the appointment with the student advisor. this morning was nothing to be proud of. I gotta find some way to get rid of this habit.

thankfully my day hadn’t actually turned out to be all disastrous and upsetting. I managed to finish my accounting tute and did pretty well in class. something that should motivate me not to do last minute works anymore. unlike last year, when I really felt horrible sitting in a class where I had no idea what so ever of what the tutor was talking about. I might as well not go at all. and that’s all going to really change soon. I’ve already changed a bit. Something I’m quite proud of.

There were things that made me really excited me today. Such as the thought of going to Sydney this autumn break. I’ve finally decided to go. for me when it comes to traveling, money is not really an issue. Not because I’m too rich to care, but because I think you can always find money. but you don’t always get the opportunity. I’m just thinking, well it’s now or never. I’ve realized these past few months; I’ve developed some sort of new thoughts about what I want in life. I’m positive that one of the reasons for that is because I traveled a lot lately and I’ve seen many places and met so many people that I feel so much more open-minded. So I think it is worth the small amount of money for me to go and explore places while I’m still here. So Sydney here I come. alhamdulillah I managed to get a job somewhere, maybe I wouldn’t earn that much but enough for me to survive and save for the trip.

after class today, I bumped into Lauren, my last year’s economic tute mate. we have become really close since last year. she’s a real nice and sweet person. not like most of the aussies girls. so we had coffee and a bit chit chat to catch up with things. one the things she talked about was the camp she had with the church. hurm sometimes I think, why not a muslim be proud enough to talk about Islam to the non-muslim people, when they are all lighted up talking about it to anyone. even sometimes, I feel a hesitation to talk about it to the non-muslims. for myself, I’m afraid they would feel comfortable enough with issue. but you see how they can so animatedly talk about it to us. and they don’t even care how we feel. I mean they don’t think being open about religious matter is improper. coz it isn’t. yeah maybe she’s a minister’s daughter, she’s quite pious in her religion. and I’m pretty sure we probably have some sort of conflict to really talk about it because we think we’re not pious enough. how could we? we cant even talk about Islam as a normal conversation between us muslims. and when you do talk about it, the ‘muslims’ themselves will probably give you a ‘look’ that says “hurm this guy/girl is too shallow. this is a modern world. you don’t talk about Islam man. you leave that to the pious people in the mosques”. I’m hardly saying I’m really good in islam. but I’m trying to be a good muslimah. who wouldn’t wanna be? hopefully it would be some day. ok that’s about it what we had during our chit chat. we talked about so many things like what we did during holidays and on and on. it was simply cool and nice to see her again. we really should be catching up more often with each other.

A trying-to-be-brief review of my life these past few months..

2005-03-15T11:50:00.000+10:30

A trying-to-be-brief review of my life these past few months..

Although I've put up this blog quite for a long time, I've just realized how I haven't made full use of it to make a real review of my life at this instant I'm living. It was just that, I was so confused of myself, of what I am, how I am and what I'm going to do. I must admit I was scared to think of how people will think of me, bloody stupid that is. And since you can never live up to people's expectations, or to control of what they think of you, and how they treat you, why letting them make you hold yourself back from being who you really are. It doesn’t matter one way or another. You are what you are. Just because you want to befriend someone’s cute, you want to be that. Of coz you can’t.. I think I’m beginning to understand (not really understand yet), that you are what you let yourself to think you are. When you think you are a bore, then you’ll always carry that thought wherever you go and make yourself a bore. Coz that’s what you think of yourself. Just forsake what others think coz you will never be able to control other people’s thoughts. Only what you think of yourself will matter. (Hopefully this resolution will show in my life, not just a sudden thought)

These past few months:

When I came back from Japan, part of me was really boasting about it, hehe. I felt lucky to have such opportunity to travel (not that someone offered me the money to go travel tho, erm maybe dats rite, thanks to you mum). It was really worth it. To heck with those few thousands spent, but I gain a lot more than the short-lived fun of the trip. It was totally something more precious. Experience! And the chance to meet up people and see a country you’ve only seen on maps. It’s a no wonder I started complaining about my own country when I do the comparison of what’s there and what’s not here, my own ‘beloved’ country. I started to be critical and analytical. Part of the reason I started to think of why I shouldn’t just accept what I am, and what I have today. Leave greed out of this.

Yeah that’s the good part of my trip there. There’s always the bad part. I couldn’t stand of being there more than those 3 long weeks. That was enough I guess. I was missing home, and some problems came up that needed me home as soon as possible. How problems just disconcert you even when you’re trying to have fun.

Strange how the best day of my trip was the day we’re going back home. pretty contrast but that’s the real thing. I can say the best day of my life was to get to see my mum again. The days spent wif your parents should always be the happiest and the best days of our lives since you can return to the source of your comfort. Spending my holiday home was among the best time I’ve ever had. Even when I was confined in the house because of the heat and so on. I felt good. And the whole month I spent home before going back to Adelaide, I was trying to contain my unhappiness of having to go back. Been rattling about it most of the time. And when the time really came, I felt nothing. I figured I had felt homesick enough before even coming back here, and so there was no more feeling of homesick in me afterward. How uncanny.

I felt nothing when I came back here. Maybe a bit worried. Another same problem I have every semester. Gosh this is the third time. What a pattern I made. Maybe someone should have given me a nick ‘miss-every-semester-has-to-move-out’. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I’ll just laugh then. haha. Serve me right in a way but very useful in another.
I get to really settle myself of where I’m living, with whom, and how it suits me. ‘For the time being’, I’m living in a hostel which happened not to be in my list of plans. But still I got here. And that’s good enough for me for now. I get to set my mind clear of all distracting things that relates to people. I can think more clearly now, at least for the time being. It’s not really good in a way to some people, coz they think you don’t get to socialize and mingle with people you’re living with. Well trust me I’ve had enough socializing and mingling with people that I end up here, where I am now. Whatever people might think I’m a hard-to-get-along person what-so-ever, I just don’t care. Not when you’ve had all that and you end up getting so distracted of your main purpose why you’re even here. It doesn’t worth a penny. Now I’m sounding like a real moron who’s holding a grudge or prejudice against people. I still think people need friends. But it goes that ‘you can never live without friends, but you simply cannot live with them’. How true is that? I find that the more I’m close to a person, the more I’m beginning to hate her starting-to-be-revealed real attitude which just pissed me off in way that I’m even starting to hate myself for that. Not that I don’t believe in having good or best friends, coz I have those, but just set your mind that not everyone can be that. When I started to know a person better, an ordinary friend at first, I would think really carefully of how well I get along with this person, and how well she accepts me. I’ll just see what we have in common, and then I’ll just share only things we have in common. That’s the best thing to do for the time being until you discover the potential of them becoming a real truest friend. At least for me. now that’s the thing about moving out. Not that friends become the main reason why I move around so much, there were other problems of course. I wouldn’t wanna bother talking about those tho.

Starting my new year, new semester at least has to mean something to me. It does. In a really significant way. It’s starting now or never, that I’ve learned my lesson not to neglect my studies with other distracting things. Not that I can never have a life what-so-ever and not do the other stuffs, like going to tafseer class and swimming lesson on Sundays, or going out with friends to rundell mall. But I’m tying really hard to really focus. Coz that’s the real reason I’m here, to focus on what I came here to do. Finish off my degree. One might say I could have done that back home where it’s closer to families and comfortable surrounding. But that’s exactly the point. To drag myself out of the comfort zone and try something more adventurous and challenging. Something that adds spices to your short boring life and make you something more than you would be without having gone through all that. for myself, it is a real challenge, being here in a completely strange surrounding with strangers, and strange way of life other than you’d known your 19 years of living (for myself). This is where I can tell how ‘big’ the place I had been living in all these time is. I just wondered how I managed to get that shy and timid girl out of me. Without noticing it, here I am. I feel a bit more assured about myself. I wouldn’t imagined where I’d be now if I had taken the other road, the clear path which many people had gone through since it wasn’t as bushy and thorny as the other.
One of the things that really put me off the hook was how I was going to catch up with these white people who can simply doze off in lectures and still excel in their exams (only few genius people do that lol). And it took me a one good year to learn and adapt to their system. Not that dozing off in lectures tho. One good wasted year. I really hope, this instant I’m jotting this down, there would be no more regret about this in the future. Never again. It doesn’t mean I always have to excel to be happy. Simply the thought that I have put all the best I got into it. That’s what’s really going to make me really overwhelmingly happy, whatever the outcome is. Oh God let me be strong in this.

Ok I’ll just have to put aside the ‘study’ stuffs for now though. Such a distressing thought which should not be a thought alone, but action ma. An interesting part of moving here, this village is that I get to see more people instead of the few people I live with when I shared a house. Only that they’re not from your usual or ‘comfortable’ circle of people. of course sometimes I find it really annoying about these people’s behavior such as when they were having parties right in the backyard which happens to be the nearest to my window. With all those banging of music, I felt like banging some sense into them. That’s what I mean when I say ‘comfortable’ circle of people. But of course who am I to dictate how they should behave tho the idea really thrills me. Some are nice some are just not so nice. Another thing that we have to cope in life. Thankfully I make some friends with the nice people here. Particularly in the kitchen. it was quite disconcerting at first because most of them are guys. But what the heck I’m hungry. I might as well starve. Besides, what do I have against guys. They are human only of different type. Now I don’t find the idea of having a bit chit chat with them harmful (being a Muslim as I am, like you’re not supposed to talk to men or something). Indeed, it makes me no more awkward or self conscious with them so I wouldn’t pay more heed than necessary to them (I never thought being self conscious is good). And there’re also the girls with whom I made friends. They’re real nice. i'm doing ok for now tho once in awhile i talk to the walls. but what the heck i'm as happy as i could be. omisgosh not that! i'm still sane. totally.

hurm i think that's all for now. very brief isnt it. but nothing is simply and brief in life to describe.

Something to make us ponder

2005-02-14T17:26:00.000+10:30

Thanks to a friend who gave this to me..it's something i wish to share with others..

sahabat......
Walau dimana kau berada, walau apa yang kau kerjakan, walau apa jua yang kau kecapi... kejayaan mahupun kegagalan... cuba fikirkan sejenak.
Tundukkan kepala... dibawah adalah bumi yang menghampar, saujana mata memandang.
Kemudian, kau dongakkan pula kepalamu... di atas adalah langit yang memayungi dunia.
SubhanaLlah... begitu indah ciptaan Allah, berkuasa mentadbir alam yang fana ini.
Selagi mana kau dapati dua perkara ini, maka sedarlah apa yang kau perolehi adalah bersifat sementara.
Walau sebanyak mana kekayaan yang kau himpunkan.. dengan murka Allah... bererti engkau miskin.
walau setinggi gunung kejayaan yang engkau raih... tanpa redho Allah... beerti engkau telah gagal dengan erti kegagalan yang sebenar..
sahabat...
Setelah langit digulung, setelah bumi hancur luluh... dan... apabila kau pandang kiri dan kananmu, akan kau dapati satu Majlis Konvokesyen terbesar , ya'ni Majlis Perhitungan dilansungkan.
Ketika itu, keadaan penentu nasibmu, amalan penentu timbanganmu.
Andai keadilan mengatakan Allah redho, maka kau beraja di syurga. Jika keadilan mengatakan Allah murka, natijahnya... nerakalah tempat kau kembali.
Segala yang diputuskan, bergantung kepada semaianmu di dunia ini. sahabat...
Syurga di akhirat menagih keperitan dunia.
Neraka di akhirat menjanjikan keasyikan dan kenikmatan dunia. Keliru...???
Jangan kau keliru memilih hala tujumu sahabat. jgn terperdaya memilih pendampingmu.
Antara bisikan syaitan dan dorongan malaikat... dapatkah kau bezakan...??? s
ahabat...
Jangan biarakan dirimu terus keliru, hingga tanpa sedar, kau memilih syaitan sebagai teman setiamu... kerana syaitan menggunakan senjata nafsu yang mengemudi hatimu.
Kekuatan malaikat yang mendorong hala tujumu, adalah bergantung kepada iman yang menunjangi hatimu. Apabila iman beraja di hati... ia pasti memandu aqalmu untuk memilih jalan yang lurus. sahabat...
Bina dan tingkatkanlah imanmu dengan ilmu. Mantapkanlah ia dengan istiqomah pada amalan.
Hiasi pula dengan silaturrahim sepanjang zaman.
Berjalanlah dalam satu ukhuwwah Islamiyyah yang dibentuk melalui penyatuan aqidah.
Jangan biar dirimu hanyaut dan leka... hingga akhirnya kau menjadi mangsa kerakusan nafsu yang memburu saban waktu.
Selagi mana nadi berdenyut jantung berdegup... selagi mana roh dan jasad bersatu... selagi itulah kau perlu berusaha sehabis daya untuk menempah mahligai indah di syurga abadi, yang berkuncikan redho Ilahi kerana keredhoan Ilahi adalah kejayaan hakiki.
dan... hanya itu matlamat kita selama mendiami bumi yang fana ini.

Wanita Solehah

2005-01-07T11:28:00.000+10:30

wanita solehah.......
wanita solehah itu aurat dijaga,
pergaulan dipagari,
sifat malu pengikat diri,
seindah hiasan di dunia ini,
keayuan wanita solehah itu,
tidak terletak pada kecantikkan wajahnya,

kemanisan wanita solehah,
tidak terletak kepada kemanjaannya,
daya penarik wanita solehah itu,
bukan pada kemanisan bicaranya yang menggoncang iman
para muslimin,
dan bukan pula terletak pada kebijaksanaan nya bermain
lidah,memujuk rayu,
bukan dan tidak sama sekali,
kepetahan wanita solehah,
bukan pada barang kemas atau perihal orang lain,
tapi pada perjuangannya meningkatkan martabat agama,
nafsu mengatakan wanita cantik dengan paras rupa yang
indah bak permata yang menyeri alam,
akal mengatakan wanita cantik atas kemajuan dan,
kekebalannya dalam ilmu serta pandai dari segala
aspek,
hati menyatakan kecantikkan wanita hanya pada
akhkaknya,
itupun seandainya hati itu bersih untuk menilai,
wahai wanita,jangan dibangga dengan kecantikkan
luaran,
kerana satu hari nanti ianya akan lapuk ditelan zaman,

tetapi jaga dan peliharalah kecantikkan dalaman,
agar diri bersih dan sentiasa mendapat rahmat ilahi,
wahai wanita,jangan berbangga dengan duniawi yang kau
kuasai,
kerana ada lagi manusia yang lebih berpengetahuan
darimu,
wahai wanita,jangan pula berduka cita atas kekurangan
dirimu,
kerana ada insan lain yang lebih malang darimu,
wahai wanita solehah,
jangan dirisau akan jodohmu,
kerana ada muslimin yang bijaksana itu,
tidak akan terpaut pada wanita hanya kecantikkan,
bersyukurlah diatas apa yang ada,
serta berusahalah demi keluarga,bangsa dan agama
salam perjuangan untuk sohabiahku..
wanita solehah,
"wanita hiasan dunia,seindah hiasan adalah wanita
solehah"

Tokyo Disneyland

2005-01-01T23:27:00.000+10:30

semalam kul 5pg dh kena bangun. kena cepat siap nak gi Tokyo. memang adventure giler journey nak gi Tokyo. tukar train lebih 10 kali. tup tup lepas 18 jam baru sampai. on the way nak gi tu snow turun lebat giler. best dpt tgk pemandangan memutih jer. hurm memang xpernah dalam sejarah naik keretapi sampai 18 jam. lepas ni tengok train mesti bengong. xmau dah. hehe. nak wat cmner amik tiket murah. tapi memang pengalaman yang best sgt. memang xkan luper. aiseh nanti nak balik Toyama kena lagi. gambatte gambatte. hurm camne pon jauh perjalanan luas pandangan. Kiteorg bertahun baru dalam keretapi. Elok2 nak sampai jer kul 12mlm 1/1/2005. alhamdulillah we made it. no complaint. kat Tokyo kami dok umah kak Su. dia belajar kat uni sini. sian kak Su dia sorang je org Melayu kt Uni tu. rumah dier comey. umah org jepun.

harini best giler kami pegi tokyo disneyland. lebih kurang mcm universal studio. tapi lagi besar dan ader mcm2 ride. nak citer satu2 pon banyak sgt. selama ni asyik dengar jer disneyland, org kata best la. biler pegi sendiri memang rasa seronok. tapi apalah sangat. seronok2 pon ramai sangat orang naik rimas. nak main kena queue nak bergambar kena queue, sampai gi toilet pon kena queue. hurm takat skali skala pegi tu memang la best. macam biasa kejakunan kiteorg bergambar mmg terserlah. bile pk balik amik gambor bebanyak tu larat ke nak cuci. takat nak menyemak komputer boleh la. tapi mahal kan pengalaman gi disneyland. Wat kenang-kenangan.

walaupon sehari kat disneyland, tak habis pon gi semua tempat. tak sempat nak main semua game. dah ramai sgt. lama2 pening kepala jugak. opportunity cost katakan. xsemua benda kiter boleh buat at the same time.

dalam lebih kurang kul 10.30 mlm camtu kiteorg da tak tahan. kedinginan bangat donk. jaket dah la tak cukup tebal. tapi dalam sejuk2 tu pon ramai pompuan2 jepun yang pakai skirt. dalam kepala terpikir ‘nak melawa punyer pasal sanggup kebekuan’. hehe maybe dah biasa kutt. kiteorg sampai kat kawasan umah kak Su dalam kul 11 lebih. pastu pusing punya pusing tak jumpe laks umah dier. pagi td rasa mcm senang jer nak gi stesen. jalan sini pusing balik jalan sana pusing balik. tak jumper2 jugak. dengan penatnye, sejuk, sakit kaki kiteorg menyabarkan diri jugak pusing2 cari umah kak Su. Wawa terpaksa call kak Su. tak jugak jumpe. last2 kak Su terpaksa kuar umah nak cari kiteorg. Alhamdulillah jumpe. fuhh lega giler. sejam lebih jugak kiteorg sesat. masa dalam penat2 cari umah kak Su, terpikir laks. hurm dah sehari berseronok, susah sekejap pon dah merungut. ade hikmah la tu. peringatan. seronok sgt sampai lupa diri. padan muka.

Snowing on the way to Tokyo

In the train on the way to Tokyo

Sampai ke Disneyland

In front of pirates of the caribbean ride

Disney parade

Disney castle

Electrical parade snow white

Me?chipmunk???

Snowing on the way to Tokyo

12 restless hours

2004-12-28T12:00:00.000+10:30

Aiseh. Bas kul 10 malam kiteorg kena check out kul 10 pagi. Nanya tak? Wat cmner terpaksa ler melilau dalam 12 jam. Hehe Huda pernah cakap hurm “Masa banyak2 ni kiter leh spend dengan...” aku laks sambung “Berzikir kan?” huhu..Huda baru nak cakap tengok cd..hukhuk3. Tergelak giler. Tapi memang betul. Ader ker kite slalu zikir time free? Aku malu seh. Sendiri tak buat lol.

Hurm kiteorg merayau ntah ke mana ntah. Ajaib kiteorg leh tahan tunggu 12 jam. Kiteorg jumpe laks satu spot ni aper lg rumah tu kami yang punya! Hehe. Org pelik jer apesal ler dak2 4ekor tu dok melepak kt situ. No wonder kat Jepun tak banyak tempat duduk. Hehe. Sebab takut ader org mcm kiteorg dok menyangak kat tepi2 jalan. Lilau sana lilau sini bile dah sampai masa lega gile. Naik bas jer meleleh2 air liur basi tidooo dgn bestnyer.

Melilau-lilau di Osaka eki tunggu bas

'Rumah' menunggu

Dok saja

2004-12-27T21:34:00.000+10:30

Err, harini tak pegi mane pon. Dok hotel jer. Uya ngan Wawa ajak gi makan sushi. Hehe. Kiteorg kurang pitis. So dok melangut kat hotel tengok citer korea. Dieorg gi makan sushi ngan Mas. Hurm xkisah pon sbb dari memula sampai asyik jalan jer. Harini leh ler rehat. Sok dah nak balik tempat Wawa kat toyama. Ok setakat ni aper observation aku? Hurm. I simply enjoy every single day in Japan. I had a great time. Bukan selalu dapat melencong jauh2. Oversea laks. Tak pernah mimpi pun. Tapi alhamdulillah rezeki aku. Maybe ler sebelum dtg sini macam2 akak aku tanya. mcmana belanja la ader duit ker nak pegi. Mcm2 ler. Tp alhamdulillah takat ni walaupun semua org ckp kt Jepun ni barang mahal takat ni boleh jer survive. Sok lusa taktau arr. inshaAllah. Banyak hikmah dpt tgk tempat org. Belajar banyak benda. Walaupun xbelajar kt sini pon. Hehe. Xnak arr. Kat aussie pon dah xlarat. Aper lg kat sini kena belajar dalam Jepun. English aku pon terkontang kanting lg. Hurm. Biler dtg sini best mmg best. Especially biler pegi jalan. Tp kalau masa biasa aku rindu gak kat mak. Anak mak ler. Dulu gi aussie pon amik masa jugak nk adapt nak hilang homesick. Hehe. Camner pon i’m so glad i came. Anyone would have fought to come here. Aku dapat peluang leh rasa cmtu lak. Satu lg aku dpt kenal dak2 kat sini. Wawa, Uya, Mas dan kwn Jepun dier. (x ingat nama hehe). Seronok tgk dieorg well off kat sini. Hurm lagi, slalu dengar jer org Jepun mcm ni org Jepun mcm tu. Skrg aku leh judge sendiri. Nak buat generalization mmg xleh. Tp dari kebanyakan org yg aku perhati, mmg betul jugak mcm org kata. Banyak yang kiter kena amik contoh dari org sini. Banyak yang kiter kureng. Malu siot. Baru sedar betapa org Malaysia syok sendiri. Dok heboh2 malaysia maju la malaysia boleh la. Boleh belah. Hukhuk. Ngata negara sendiri. Tp mmg betul aper. Dari segi rumah bangunan memang la kiter maju. Tapi org dier tak maju2 jugak. Yang kecik2 pon xleh buat. Aku pon sama daa. Hehe jangan terasa laks saper yg baca. Maner lg teruk ngaku keburukan sendiri ker atau dok syok sendiri? Sendiri mau jawab ler. Ok dah abis ngata dah. Till next time.

Kyoto bandar lama

2004-12-26T21:36:00.000+10:30

Harini baru 5th day kat Jepun. Tapi dah pegi banyak tempat kat Jepun ni. Harini laks dapat gi Kyoto. As usual naik train dari Osaka, dalam half an hour dah sampai. Dok melangut-langut kat situ pikir camne nak gi tempat best, ader la sorang pakcik teksi ni dtg kt kiteorg. Uya ngan Wawa soksek2 dalam Jepun ngan pakcik ni, pastu ckp kite naik teksi pakcik tu jer. Murah skett. Leh bawak gi tempat yg best yg xkena duit sgt. Kami aper pon boleh jalan jer. Hurm tempat first kiteorg gi aper ntah. Tapi memang cantik giler. Ader golden temple kat situ! Memang emas betul dibuat dari emas. Warghhh. Jakun. Amik gambar amik gambar. Ha ambik. Sbnrnye kat situ temple tu jer ader. Tu pon kena bayar. Mahal tu pengalaman nak tgk temple emas tu. Hurm. Dah?

Second tempat kami pegi temple jugak. Errr taktau aper nama dier. Panggil temple oren jer semua kaler oren. Sakit mata tengok. Tapi mcm biasa, pusing sana pusing sini amik gambar. The last place kami pegi errr taktau jugak nama dier. Tapi atas bukit. Driver tu kata tempat tu tiap2 hari memang orang ramai mcm tu. Taktau aper yang menarik sgt. Biler kami pegi ader temple jer. Tapi pemandangan dier. SubhanAllah. Cantik giler. Boleh nampak bandar Kyoto dari situ. Aper lagi. Macam biasa sengih2 posing lerr. Hurm driver tu ader cerite dekat Kyoto ader beribu2 temple. Fuyyo. Kiteorg baru jer pegi 3 temple. Dasyat tu. Wawa ngan Uya banyak sembang ngan pakcik tu. Almaklum la terror cakap Jepun. Kami tiga nganga je. Pakcik tu kata ni first time dier bawak muslim gi tempat2 kat situ. Wah. Yer ker pakcik. Kirenyer kiteorg ni maybe first few muslims yang pegi tempat2 kat situ. Hehe. Hurm sepanjang nk naik bukit tu ader banyak sgt kedai souvenir kiri kanan jalan. Nak naik temple jalan kaki so biler turun kami sempat arr nengok2 mende kat dalam kedai. Aku ader beli souvenir gambar temple emas utk mak. Hehe mesti mak suka. Erm pastu aku beli kueh Jepun. Err aper ekk nama dier. Taktau arr. Kuih kacang merah kut. Hurm. Harini awl jer, sampai kul 4 jer di Kyoto. Pastu kiteorg balik arr dah xder tempat nak gi. Nak save duit utk Tokyo laks nanti.

Hurm dats about it for the day. Till the next adventure. As if it is.

The golden pavilion-Rokuon-Ji temple

In front of Rokuon Ji temple

Temple Oren

On the way to Kiyamizu Temple

Up hill in Kiyamizu Temple

Still in Kiyamizu Temple

Universal Studio

2004-12-25T23:21:00.000+10:30

Christmas day. Hari ni special sket. Plan harini gi Universal Studio. Yeayea. Best giler. Macam biasa aku memang jakun. Kami plan gi 7 org. Kami berlima, Mas(adik Uya), ngan kawan Jepun Mas. Comeyy. Walaupon dier tak pandai speaking english sgt, tapi die sgt frenly. Hehe kami cakap macam ayam ngan itik jer. Hehe. Erm kiteorg bertujuh naik train tak sampai 15 minute dah sampai. Trus samapi USJ laks tu. Kat luar pon dah nampak best. Giler bergambar jer. Memang keturunan jakun. Wat camner tak pernah pegi. Tak dapat rasa US punyer, yg Jepun pon aper kurang. Tiket masuk mahal giler. Tapi biler dah masuk rasa worth it jer.

Wah. Cantikknyer. Tungging sana sini berposing. Tak peduli dah org lain, dah semua mcm gitu Hurm pastu decide nak naik spiderman ride dulu. Aku tak pernah terbayang ride dier mcmana. Best sgt ker smpai kena beratur 2 jam. Fuh. Giler seh. Depa kata worth it ok jer ler. Sambil tunggu main game Jepun. Mcm bebudak jer. Hehe. Dah dapat masuk spiderman ride, bestt giler2 banos. Tapi aku takut jugak mcm real jerr. Rasa leh experience sendiri spiderman world. Biler org jahat nak wat kiteorg rasa mcm tul2. dah ler aku dok depan skali. Hampeh. Terkena tul. Terkejut beruk aku. Memang ler benda tu 4D jer. Tipu. Aku punyer suspen sampai tepis2 lg time org jahat nak buat kiteorg. Hehe aku siap ckp spiderman save us. Daaaa. So stupid. Mmg ler xder paper. Pastu spiderman amik gambar kiteorg. Hehe. Glamor siut. Simply splendid.

Pastu tgk waterworld show, naik dinasour ride, bergambar2, tgk shrek 4D, tgk animal actors, tgk show wild2 west and so on. Sambil berjalan2, sempat sembang2 dgn Mas ngan kwn Jepun dier. Baru tau Mas baru je dtg sini bulan April skrg dah fasih giler Jepun. Kagum giler. Exchange student for one year jer leh terror mcm gitu. Yatie’s believe it or not. Believe it!

USJ mmg cantik giler. Cam kat hollywood. Hurm sampai malam kiteorg kat situ. Malam kat situ pon cantik. Cuma rimas sbb org ramai lg. Christmas ler. Hurm org jepun ni bkn semua christian pon. Ramai yg xder agama pon. Tumpang perayaan org je. Sian2.

Erm dah puas sehari balik Osaka. . It was so much fun. Tak sedar dah braper lama kat situ. Hurm. Bile dah puas, terpikir, seronok2 dah abis. Seronok mcmana pon akan habis jugak. Hehe. Muhasabah diri jap dok berseronok jer sehari tak ingat aper.

Kiteorg decide makan kat luar. Makan “tempura”. Nasi dgn benda goreng tu depa panggil tempura. Xpernah makan pon. Tapi sedap jugak. Leh jugak rasa makanan Jepun. Besh2.

Depan pintu USJ

Clown

Christmas tree

Spiderman ride

At nite

Universal

Jalan2 di Kobe

2004-12-24T23:53:00.000+10:30

Semalam Wawa ngan Uya dah plan siap mane kiteorg pegi harini. Bagus tul dieorg ni. Efficient. Erm harini kami gi Kobe. Pegi Kobe Oji Zoo. Hehe mcm tak pernah gi zoo jer. Tp nak rasa jugak zoo kat sini. Mesti binatang dier lain. Most of the animals i’ve seen before. Tapi kerenah dier lawak jugak. Masa kiteorg tgk org utan, lawak giler. Macam tau2 jer dari satu negara, orang utan yang tgh gayut tu bile nampak jer kiteorg truss datang dekat. Gayut2 dekat kiteorg. Pastu wat posing yang best giler. Perut die dah la buncit pastu dier gayut tungging badan dier kat atas tu nampak perut yang boroi. Muka dier seposen jer posing kat kiteorg. Sporting giler. Bg chance amik gambar die. Wahh mahal tu. Arigato2 org utan. Pastu kiteorg dapat tgk panda yang comey. Cume tak sporting arr. Tau kiteorg ni foreigner xnak bg muka. Tunjuk bontot jer. Dpt amik gambar bontot jer la. Biler aku panggil dier wat taktau jer. Pergh, tau arr ko spesis special. Hehe yang lain2 tu besa jer. Semua dah pernah tgk. Kanggaroo ngan koala pon ader kt zoo tu. Tak aci. Ingat kat aussie jer. Yang bestnyer time pegi zoo, xder org sangat. So xder arr rimas giler mcm kt city. Leh relax2 jer. Take time. It was so much fun. I love the places, the company and everything.

Hurm sepetang gak kami berlima kat situ. Pastu pegi Kobe city tgk lampu pintu gerbang Kobe yang famous tu. Memula cam blurr2 gak apesal ramai giler manusia tunggu kat situ. Nak tgk lampu tu jer ker. Mcm jakun jer org Jepun ni. Hehe. Kami pon aper kurangnyer. Hurm kul 6 lampu tu pon nyala. Wahhhh!!!!!! Cantik giler. Panjang giler jalan tu. Sepanjang jalan tu ader pintu gerbang yang berlampu. So colourful. It was spectacular. Couldnt exactly describe it. But the pic is here for u to see of coz. Hurm dah puas amik shot yg paling best kami belah arr. Manusia time tu mcm semut. Siap ader human traffic. Ingat keta jer ader. Polis kena jaga laks. Kena tunggu lampu hijau baru leh jalan. Pening2. ramai sgt. Nak nampak sorang foreigner pon susah. Mmg semua muka Jepun. Kami spesis alien yang jarang ditemui kat situ. So org tengok kami semacam jer. As usual. Dah penat kami balik arr. Malam kul brape ntah sampai td. Hurm. Till the next day of adventure. Daaaa.

Tepi jalan dkt Kobe Zoo

Petting hamster n arnab

Petting kambing

'Kawaii' (cute) japanese gurls petting hamster n arnab

The famous pintu gerbang lampu in Kobe

Osaka

2004-12-23T20:43:00.000+10:30

Arghh bangun lambat. Bas kul 10.15 pg kami kul 9.30pg baru bangun. Kalut2. Ngan tak mandinye aku ngan Wanie siap2. pegi bilik Huda ngan Wawa, siap dah mandi. Aiseh tak aci depa leh mandi. Ok dah siap semua kami jalan gi bus station. Naik bas ke Osaka dalam 4-5 hours. Dalam tghari camtu sampai daa. Waa taktau lak nak gi hotel camner. Wawa dgn bestnyer speaking Jepun ngan pakcik tu. pakcik yang baik hati tu pon bawak kami jalan dalam 30 minutes sampai depan hotel. Kagum siot. Baik giler pakcik tu. Hish. Kalau org malaysia la, jangan kata nak bawak tunjuk jalan, ntah2 gi tipu kite lagi. Hehe tak semestinyer la. Tp ader macam gitu.

Hotel kiteorg duduk ni ok la jugak. Memula taktau lak kena dok hotel ingat tumpang umah orang. Tapi surprisingly agak murah arrr. Leh afford la. Klau tak tido kat tepi2 jalan ler. Homeless. Dah settle semua kt hotel, Wawa cakap Uya, kawan die ajak gi karaoke. Dieorg belanja. Beshnyerr. Lum pernah aku karaoke kt Malaysia, tetiba buang tebiat gi karaoke kt sini. Wat camne. Orang nak belanja. Ikut jerla. Ptg tu kiteorg jumpe Uya ngan adik die, Mas. Comeynyerr dak dua tu. Mmg macam org Jepun betul. Friendly laks tu.

Aku mmg tak pernah gi tempat karaoke nih. Hehe. Takder keje nyer aku nak pegi. Tau2 sendiri arr sore macam katak tercekik jer. Memula tengok jer dieorg nyanyi dgn jakunnyer. Leh nyanyi lagu Jepun laks tu. Terror arr. Jeles giler. Nak jugak belajar Jepun. Sore dieorg tu takyah cakap. Macam cewek Jepun arr. Sedap. Pastu dieorg suh gak aku nyanyi. Sore ntah pape aku hantam je. Hehe. Dekat tiga jam lam karaoke rasa pekak jap.

Pastu kami rayau2 kat bandar Osaka jap. Fuh letih kaki jalan. Tapi tengok orang2 Jepun jalan mmg xleh lawan. Yang pompuan tu dah la pakai kasut tinggi2, jalan laks laju. Xheran la depa ni kurus keding semacam jer. Makan pon seafood, yg tak lemak2 sgt.

Hurm. Aper aku perasan masa aku kat sini? Well, yang baik ader. Yang buruk pon mesti la. Ok yang baik dulu la. Org jepun ni mmg nampak sgt rajin. Kalau gi kedai dier ker, nampak arr tak lole2 mcm org Melayu. Nampak customer jer, “ohio gozaimas” ker, “arigato gozaimas” ker. Asyik tunduk dan senyum. Masuk kedai dier jer, die layan semua org sama jer. Tak macam org Melayu. Nak wat baik kat customer pilih orang. Selalu biler masuk kedai kt Malaysia, bile nampak muka salesgirl yang masam, tak hingin rasa nak beli kat kedai tu. Pergh. Boleh belah la org mcm tu. Lagi, dieorg punyer cleanliness kat sini #1. Nak masuk toilet die tak risau macam nak masuk toilet kat Malaysia. Paham2 jer la. Hukhuk. Pastu walaupon takde banyak tong sampah takder sampah pon. Penin2. Erm kesimpulannye kesedaran siviks dieorg mcm bagus arr. Tak macam kite. That’s the very truth. Right??!

Ok yang buruk nyer laks. Org Jepun ni ramai xder agama. So even yang ader agama pon ramai yang xder moral, aper lg dieorg ni kan. Kat kawasan hotel kiteorg banyak giler errr shop2 yang errr korang paham2 ler. Yg gitu2. erkk. Nampak le generally moral org jepun ni almost zero. Oops. My opinion. Xsemua betul. Bersyukur ler kiter dilahirkan Islam.

Osaka eki

Pakcik jual takuyaki

Dalam train

Arrival In Japan

2004-12-22T23:19:00.000+10:30

Hehe. Nasib baik aku tak nyanyuk. Last2 mintute ni nyaris2 lupa flight malam tadi. Kang aku pegi malam esok berguling ler kat KLIA kena tinggal. Dah kat tiket kata 22/12 kul 1pg. Alhamdulillah lancar jer. Erm tak sangka sungguh angan2 mat jenin aku menjadik jugak. Dapat jugak aku sampai negara matahari terbit ni. 3 sekawan kami jer. Aku, Huda ngan Wanie. Bestnyer leh jalan ngan kengkawan instead ngan family. Lain ooo. Leh wat jahat. Hukhuk.

Ok tak mau panjang ceghita. Malam tadi kul 1 pagi camtu depart ke Nagoya. Sampai dalam kul 8 pagi. Aiseh. Dok risau kami silap haribulan, Wawa laks yang tersilap. Nasib baik dia dah on the way dalam bas. Lama tunggu kat airport aku pon wat port aku kat kusi. Sempat dengkur dua tiga jam. Tiap kali aku terbangun aku nampak dak2 tu dok melilau2 jap sana jap sini. Bosan aku sambung mimpi balik. Hehe. Sian depa. Dalam kul 1 ptg Wawa sampai dah. Baru kenal2 ngan dia. Tengok gaya comey dan baik. Huhu bodek. Pastu kami naik dari airport gi hotel. Kagum giler tengok Wawa cakap Jepun ngan orang kat hotel tu. Jakun. Kiteorg duk hotel nagoya malam ni jer. Sok nak gi Osaka laks. Tadi jalan2 jap kt Nagoya tgk2 org, tgk2 lampu. Macam takder jer kat malaysia. Grrrr. Sejuk giler tadi. Angin kuat lak tu. Kalau kat malaysia hujan pon still macam dalam oven. Camne pon negara aku gak best. Takde arr macam rasa macam dok dalam sarang anai2 mcm kat Jepun ni hehe. Sian lak org2 Jepun. Dah tak cukup atas darat wat lagi tempat2 bawah tanah. Tu pon manusia berduyun2. Ada rasa pelik gak. Depa ni jalan laju2 kalut2 reramai lak tu nak pi mana. Wallahua’lam. Memula jalan2 kat sini, depa pandang je. Rasa cam alien kat sini. Tak pernah tgk org pakai tudung kut. Kami wat tak tau jer. Wat mcm umah sendiri. Jeling kt kiteorg jeling balik. Huhu. Nak salah depa pon xleh. Negara dia. Tempat dia. Mata dia. Suka hati hang la. Dah penat jengjalan tak tentu hala balik lerr ke hotel rehat2, makan2, sembang2. Mak! Ooh tidak! Rindu kat mak dah ker. Belum satu malam. Malu arr nak cakap kt depa. Hehe. Hurm mak pesan suh tepon bile sampai. Tp susah lak nak call. Kena ade kad la. Mahal lak tu. Takper2. wuarghh ngantuk.

Nagoya Airport

Nagoya At Nite

All that matters

2004-11-09T03:54:00.000+10:30

Hurm tomorrow i got a paper and after tomorrow just one more to go.yea!saturday is coming soon but not soon enough.i simply cant wait.it's like i've been waiting for years for the day to board the plane and fly straight back home.well not straight enough tho coz i have yet to board another domestic one once i got there.doesnt matter either way i just can't wait to see the only face i've always wanted to see.i can't wait to see my mum's happy smiling face to have me home just like she wanted to see my mine. it's not the first time i've been apart from her just that this time's it different coz we're far off apart from each other.that's the thing when you feel that the person's the only one you have in the world.it's like i wouldnt knoe what to do without her.yeah probably it's a normal feeling people have towards their mother but whomever it is for, the feeling's always special.for me my mum's the greatest mum in the world and i couldnt thank God enough for giving me such gift. talking about gift, dont knoe wht to buy for her.if only i can give the world to her.err she wouldnt want that tho even if i could.what nonsense.i knoe she couldnt be happier just to have me back home.a mom is a mom.i'm just so thankful i have one.sometimes i feel so ashamed of myself for not being grateful for what i have.

10 JENIS ORANG ISLAM YANG KEJAM

2004-10-30T13:04:00.000+09:30

10 JENIS ORANG ISLAM YANG KEJAM
Sufyan Atsauri berkata:"Sepuluh macam daripada
kekejaman ialah:

1. Seorang yang berdoa untuk dirinya sendiri, dan
tidak mendoakan untuk anak-anaknya dan kaum mukmin.

2. Seorang yang pandai membaca Al-Quran, tetapi tiap
harinya tidak membaca seratus ayat.

3. Seorang yang masuk masjid lalu keluar dan tidak
sembahyang dua rakaat.

4. Seorang yang berjalan melalui kuburan kemudian
tidak memberi salam dan mendoakan ahli kubur.

5. Seorang yang sampai di suatu kota pada hari
Jumaat kemudian tidak
sembahyang jemaah.

6. Seorang yang di daerahnya didatangi oleh seorang
alim, tiba-tiba tidak mahu belajar apa-apa
daripadanya.

7. Dua orang yang bertemu di perjalanan dan
masing-masing tidak menanyakan nama kawannya itu.

8. Seorang diundang pada jamuan tiba-tiba tidak
datang.

9. Pemuda yang tidak ada kerja dan tidak mahu
belajar ilmu dan kesopanan.

10. Seorang yang kenyang sedang dia tahu bahawa
tetangganya lapar, tetapi tidak diberi dari
makanannya itu.

Dari Abdullah bin 'Amr r.a., Rasulullah s.a.w.
bersabda, "Sampaikanlah pesanku biarpun satu
ayat..."
"ISLAM IS THE WAY OF LIFE"

Cool Stuff

2004-10-23T09:13:00.000+09:30

Ten Things We Waste

1. Our Knowledge: Wasted by not taking action with it ..... more

2. Our Actions: Wasted by committing them without sincerity.

3. Our Wealth: Wasted by using on things that will not bring us ajr (reward from Allah). We waste our money, our status, our authority, on things which have no benefit in this life or in akhirah (hereafter).

4. Our Hearts: Wasted because they are empty from the love of Allah, and the feeling of longing to go to Him, and a feeling of peace and contentment. In it's place, our hearts are filled with something or someone
else.

5. Our Bodies: Wasted because we don't use them in ibadah (worship) and service of Allah.

6. Our Love: Our emotional love is misdirected, not towards Allah, but towards something/someone else.

7. Our Time: Wasted, not used properly, to compensate for that which has passed, by doing what is righteous to make up for past deeds.

8. Our Intellect: Wasted on things that are not beneficial, that are detrimental to society and the individual, not in contemplation or reflection.

9. Our Service: Wasted in service of someone who will not bring us closer to Allah, or benefit in dunyaa.

10. Our Dhikr (Remembrence of Allah): Wasted, because it does not effect us or our hearts.

From Br. Mukhtar, based on a lesson of Imam Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah

Top 7 Definitions Of Failure
If someone asked how can we define failure, we can simply say that ..... more

Failure is an important part of your success, as much so, as not repeating your mistakes. :)

1. "Failing to act on the dreams and visions you have for yourself"

2. "Not picking yourself up after you mess up"

3. "Hurting others for personal gain, whether on purpose or accident"

4. "Failing to understand WHY you are on this planet in the first place"

5. "Failing to understand that you are here to serve others, and in exchange your needs will be taken care of"

6. "Failing to continually raise your standards each day"

7. "Accepting complacency"

A touching story

2004-10-21T05:05:00.000+09:30

Daddi Can you give me 10$ ?

A touching story

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5 year old son waiting for him at the door.

"Daddy, may I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, sure, what is it?" replied the man.

"Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?"

"That's none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing?" the man said angrily.

"I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?" pleaded the little boy.

"If you must know, I make $20.00 an hour."

"Oh, " the little boy replied, head bowed. Looking up, he said, "Daddy, may I borrow $10.00 please?"

The father was furious. "If the only reason you want to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you're being so selfish. I work long, hard hours everyday and don't have time for such childish games."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even madder about the little boy's questioning. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money. After an hour or so , the man had calmed down, and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son. May be there was something he really needed to buy with that $10.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door. "Are you asleep son?" he asked.

"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.

"I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier," said the man. "It's been a long day and I took my aggravation out on you. Here's that $10.00 you asked for."

<center>Daddi Can you give me 10$ ? </center> A touching story <a href="http://english.islamway.com/bindex.php?section=all_article&topicid=40"></a> A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5 year old son waiting for him at e door. "Daddy, may I ask you a question?" "Yeah, sure, what is it?" replied the man. "Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?" "That's none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing?" the man said angrily. "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?" pleaded the little boy. "If you must know, I make $20.00 an hour." "Oh, " the little boy replied, head bowed. Looking up, he said, "Daddy, may I borrow $10.00 please?" The father was furious. "If the only reason you want to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you're being so selfish. I work long, hard hours everyday and don't have time for such childish games." The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even madder about the little boy's questioning. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money. After an hour or so , the man had calmed down, and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son. May be there was something he really needed to buy with that $10.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door. "Are you asleep son?" he asked. "No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy. "I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier," said the man. "It's been a long day and I took my aggravation out on you. Here's that $10.00 you asked for." The little boy sat straight up, beaming. "Oh, thank you daddy!" he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow, he pulled out some more crumpled up bills. The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at the man. "Why did you want more money if you already had some?" the father grumbled. "Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied. "Daddy, I have $20.00 now... Can I buy an hour of your time?" The moral of the story: You think about it.

The little boy sat straight up, beaming. "Oh, thank you daddy!" he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow, he pulled out some more crumpled up bills. The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at the man.

"Why did you want more money if you already had some?" the father grumbled.

"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied. "Daddy, I have $20.00 now... Can I buy an hour of your time?"

The moral of the story: You think it.

gotta spill it out

2004-10-19T22:58:00.000+09:30

wht kinda test this is?it's just a small small matter but i couldnt take it.i really couldnt take it when it comes to me n people.gosh i hate it.i really really hate it.i hate my lack ability to handle even a small simple test.it really drives me up the wall.it's sort of my gr8 weakness not being able to accept how ppl are.how bold to expect people to follow ur way when ur way is the not the rite way at all.it's all me.sounds emotional enough.yes it is and i am as a matter of fact.go away evil.go far far away.dont get mad.dats wht i keep telling myself.everytime.all the time.it's like climbing a very steep cliff and everytime i'm climbing higher and higher i keep falling down and my my whole arms and body got very numb and tired of it.it's like a journey that will never end for me to climb to the top of the mountain.even a cliff is strenous for me.how could i ever reach the top of a mountain.this thing's really driving me out of my mind.O' Allah please please give me strength.this is nothing compared to the real thing but now i'm already being driven nuts by it.there's so much hatred in me.it's all in me.i'm the only one who can ever control it if i try really hard.yes i can do it."along with hardship is relief".y dont i even apply that?it's so easier said than done.how Allah hates people who said something they didn't do..havent i known this all along?

exams around the corner!!!!!!

2004-10-13T19:36:00.000+09:30

EXAMS around the corner!!!!

"waaa.....apa nk buat ni??dh habis revise lum nih??aper aku buat selama ni??waaaa..tu la ko padan muka..masa banyak masa dulu ko dok memain jerrr tak ingat satu aper dah..lg braper hari jer ni nk peksa??" this is wht keeps on going in my mind the whole time but i didnt get to do anything about it.if u think about it, that's why not many people excel in their studies(an example, could be a lot of other things).if people have realized from the start how precious is the time which they should have spent on studying, they could really easily excel.but a lot of people(dats what i think, coz probably i'm the only one who's having the problem, luckily for anybody else) are very keen to procastinate.there's this what so called virus in you that says "ah you can finish that later, hurm you can do that tomorrow, erm probably you can start by next week....." but up to where?in the end i end up doing whatever that is in the eleventh hour. well if that's how it is for people like me, i might as well be given a task that i have to finish within a few hours.coz it actually doesnt make any difference either way, dont u think.coz how long it takes for u to do it does not even indicate whether you're gonna do any better.that is sooo incredulous.i'm thinking, this actually doesnt only apply to your studies whatever but to your entire life.sometimes i think, am i born like this??no no no...of coz not dear fool.i can always change.but it's me ,myself, who's gonna do it.if i want to.dont i???seems n sounds simple enough but yeah u gotta start doing it anyway by mr hook or by mrs crook.coz once you let yourself being fooled by noone else but yourself, then you're doomed.you wouldnt have thought that you are the greatest enemy of your own self.the saatan which controls you, that's the evil side which everybody has, be as great as one is.they have it.believe me.the only difference that outstands them from one another is how they control themself and not being controlled by their evil self.not in eveything of coz, unluckily for them....and me.so let's make doa to Allah to be given a shield to the evil spell of saatan casted upon us.Praise to Allah the most gracious the most merciful.And ramadhan is coming too.too bold of me not to mention it earlier.this is one good chance for us to get rid of bad deeds from our past and be forgiven by Allah.it is a holy month of patience and tranquility as saatan will be tied down from ruining our lives.and one huge chance for us to perform good deeds and prayer to ALlah as the reward will be multiplied by Allah the Almighty.InshaAllah.

Teknik Belajar-Very Good for ME

2004-10-10T02:14:00.000+09:30

Kemahiran Belajar
Belajar Cara Sistem PQRST
Sistem PQRST adalah suatu cara yang diperkenalkan oleh EL Thomas dan Ha Rabinson dalam buku mereka yang bertajuk "Improving Reading In Every Class". Berikut adalah lima item yang menjadi tunjang sistem ini.
(a) Preview ( mengimbas Tajuk-tajuk Penting ) Dalam item ini pelajar disarankan agar melihat tajuk utama dalam sesuatu bab dan seterusnya melihat tajuk-tajuk kecil yang menjadi rangka dalam menggambarkan maklumat atau isi penting dalam keseluruhan bab.
(b) Question ( Menyoal ) Daripada rangka ini, bina soalan yang boleh membantu anda mencari isi penting. Dengan cara ini anda boleh mengingati sesuatu dengan lebih jelas.
(c) Read ( Membaca ) Membaca sesuatu tajuk akan menjadi lebih bermakna kerana setiap ayat menjawab soalan anda sendiri dari rangka topik.
(d) Self-Recitation ( Menyebut Satu Persatu ) Apabila anda sudah membaca, anda perlu mencatat atau melakar sesuatu gambarajah berkaitan dengan apa yang difahami. Kemudian baca isi penting itu semula tanpa melihat nota yang telah anda catatkan.
(e) Test ( Ujian ) Untuk memastikan anda sudah memahami dan mengingati fakta sebaiknya, anda perlu membuat penilaian kendiri. Dua cara boleh dilaksanakan iaitu melaksanakan ujian-ujian tahun lepas tanpa melihat rujukan dan menggunakan teknik soal jawab dengan bantuan rakan.
Bahan ini diterjemah dari: Improving Reading In Every Class Ditulis oleh: El Thomas dan Ha Rabinson

Rahsia Kejayaan
Doa dan Niat
Aturkan Sasaran, Cita-cita dan Matlamat
Pelan Tindakan Rancangan atau
Taat, Yakin dan Cintai Ilmu
Usaha yang Berkekalan
Teknik Belajar Berkesan
Kebanyakan pelajar, yang gagal di dalam pelajaran mereka bukan kerana malas ataupun lemah. Mereka sebenarnya menghadapi kesukaran ataupun tidak mengetahui cara-cara mengulangkaji pelajaran mereka.
Terdapat beberapa kaedah yang dapat membantu pelajar-pelajar sebagai panduan.
1. Menyediakan jadual pembelajaran secara sistematik.
2. Rutin belajar yang sama pada tiap-tiap hari bagi melatih otak menerima tabiat belajar.
3. Pilihlah masa untuk mengulangkaji sewaktu semangat belajar di tahap maksimum.
4. Elakkan perkara-perkara yang mengganggu proses pembelajaran. Ahli keluarga harus bertolak ansur dalam memberi ruang untuk anda belajar.
5. Nota yang telah dibuat hendaklah diulangkaji pada hari yang sama.
6. Anda akan mendapat lebih manfaat sekiranya anda mempunyai matlamat belajar
7. Elakkan belajar di tempat yang boleh menyebabkan rasa mengantuk.
8. Belajarlah dengan tujuan menimba ilmu bukanlah sekadar untuk lulus peperiksaan.

Pelajar-pelajar yang kandas adalah pelajar-pelajar yang :
1. Tidak mempunyai jadual belajar yang tetap dan hanya bergantung kepada "mood" untuk belajar.
2. Tidak suka mengulangkaji pelajaran dan selalu mengulangkaji pelajaran di saat-saat akhir peperiksaan.memudahkan mengulangkaji pelajaran.
3. Mengganggap TV dan lagu dapat membantu
4. Belajar semata-mata untuk peperiksaan.
Bahan ini diterjemah dari :- Learning Skill Center The University of Texas at Austin (Study Tips)

Di Hati

2004-10-10T02:10:00.000+09:30

Di hati bersama mengembara

Tika masanya tika saatnya ku terasa
Meredah lautan kasih sinar iman yang teguh
Redup menyinar hati sanubariku

Kutabahkan hatiku dibuang berkelana
Gerimis hati terpaku sukma
Semoga hidayahNya kan terus menyinar
Penuhi alam kegelapan

Berikan kekuatan dalam mencari sinar
Di jalan ini kuhadapi duka dan sedu sepi
Bersama teman-teman harungi perjuangan
Biarpun kekurangannya ada takkan ku gundah

Kita akan bersama menempuh segalanya
Bersatu hati mendamaikan jiwa yang keluh resah
JAnji patri bersama ikatan teguh setia
Bersama menuju gerbang impian kita harapkan

Di hati kita bersama.. Di hati kita melangkah..
Jangan dipisahkan kasih bersaudara.. J
angan didendamkan ukhuwah yang terbina..

lagu&lirik: Azrul(DeHearty)

malassnyerr...

2004-10-09T13:54:00.000+09:30

arghhh termenung la...malasnyerr...yeah felines look good but they are lazy.if only i have one like this as to 'inspire' me to be more active..huh??

So horribly fierce and cute

2004-10-09T13:27:00.000+09:30

:: what are you staring at????GRRRRRRrrrrrr....
my niece..i miss home so much.

Essential Elements of Fasting - The Intention

2004-10-09T01:02:00.000+09:30

An article from Islamic Way

Allah instructs in the Qur'an: "And they are ordained nothing else than to serve Allah, keeping religion pure for Him." The Prophet, upon whom be peace, said: "Actions are judged according to the intention behind them, and for everyone is what he intended."

The intention must be made before fajr and during every night of Ramadan. This point is based on the hadith of Hafsah, which reported that the Prophet said: "Whoever does not determine to fast before fajr will have no fast" (that is, it won't be accepted). This is related by Ahmad, an-Nasa'i, at-Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud, and Ibn Majah. Ibn Khuzaimah and Ibn Hibban have classified it as sahih.

The intention is valid during any part of the night. It need not be spoken, as it is in reality an act of the heart, which does not involve the tongue. It will be fulfilled by one's intention to fast out of obedience to Allah and for seeking His pleasure.
If one eats one's pre-dawn meal (Suhoor) with the intention of fasting and to get closer to Allah by such abstinence, then one has performed the intention. If one determines that one will fast on the next day solely for the sake of Allah, then one has performed the intention even if a pre-dawn meal was not consumed.

According to many of the jurists, the intention for a voluntary fast may be made at any time before any food is consumed. This opinion is based on 'Aishah’ s hadith: "The Prophet came to us one day and said: 'Do you have any [food]?' We said, 'No.' He said: 'Therefore, I am fasting." This is related by Muslim and Abu Dawud.

The Hanafiyyah and Shaf'iyyah stipulate that the intention must be made before noon (for voluntary fasts). The apparent opinion of Ibn Mas'ud and Ahmad is that the intention may be made before or after noon.

arghhh what am i doing???

2004-10-08T17:29:00.000+09:30

In the name of Allah...
MashaAllah what have i done...so much for a reminder to everyone not to procrastinate and now i'm still doing it..making blogs can become an obsession if not properly controlled..you wouldn't have realized how much time you've spent on it till you have a glimpse at the clock 5 hours later...how incredulous..how impossible..aper nak jadi dengan aku ni...kalau ikutkan nak update blog ke aper ke buat la masa free ker..now i'm using up the whole time which i should have spent on studying...this is sooo absurd..now i gotta focus...i've got to really focus now..ye la i'm just an accounting student not medical student whatever but still that won't come up as a very good excuse..will it?hurm i don't know what to do now...camner ni..malu la plak ngan my housemates.they all semua studious type jer..kalau aku ni takat ckp jer...bikin nyer belum pakk...bagemana sihh???wo hen mang wo hen xiang jia..wo yau hui jia...nah memane bahasa dah terkeluar...mcm ni lah kita bile dah emosional dan stress..mmg kena ingat Allah dan tawakkal tp cukup ker??i'm so ashamed of myself..how am i supposed to carry a big responsibility when i cant even carry a simple one???have we ever thought of that??i just wonder...

yankalilla

2004-10-08T05:59:00.000+09:30

A picturesque view in yankalilla..i should have mentioned about it earlier but didnt get much time until recently to update my blog.yankalilla is so beautiful even the pic doesn't do justice to describe it..i love the tranquility of the yankalilla ocean, the greenery of the surrounding and breath-taking mountainous hill, the brightness of the sunshine and the cool breeze of fresh morning spring air.hurm now i'm starting to sound like a 'real' poet.ok the point that i'm trying to make is, anticipate what is is front of you, what Allah has given and always been giving you, feel it, breath it, and take it anyway u like, and the only thing Allah has asked of u is to be grateful to Him.does that make sense enough?i'd reckon it does more than that.by the way if anybody is wondering what is this yankalilla yankalilla thing, well it's just a place for camp on the hill by the beach where i just went last week..i just sort of fallen in love in it tho..well not with the job i got over there, as certainly hectic as it was..it's the place itself.that's what inspires me to address this blog yankalilla..a nice place to drop by for people in seek of tranquility...is that too exaggerating.not really talking about this page.but of coz i really hope there's at least an atom of benefit anyone can derive from this page..not just a wasteful chatter if anybody would care enough to read..not that it's exactly what i'm doing..make people read my stuff and think high of me..tho many would just have a glimpse and think much less of me..i might as well chase away anyone who would view my page...or not put up this blog in the first place..whatever it is, everybody has their own reason and way of expressing just as well i do..only the intention differs...that's what counts....

black is boring??

2004-10-08T04:13:00.000+09:30

In the name of Allah the most gracious the most merciful..
Who says black is boring?well i knoe it seems so. and i'm in no place to change anybody's mind on that tho.just to pls myself on this matter.i think black is mysterious, black is 'macho', black is elegant, black is conventional, black is the symbol of superiority, black is flexible(it goes with any colour), black is realistic etc etc ..hurm.dats not pretty bad..soo dont ever condemn me on my new skin colour.my blog skin colour of coz..(not that i think anybody would think i wud change my skin colour, dont i???)...

how people never appreciate their free time

2004-10-05T22:22:00.000+09:30

i've always been there.dats it.no matter how much i'm fed up with it and myself for it i still do it.it's hard when sometimes you cant even do a single simple thing coz you keep delaying it...as if the time you are living will never end..a phrase is just a phrase "time is gold...time is precious"..bla bla bla...na..people will never see it until they lose it..i remember a hadis(if i'm not mistaken,coz i'm pretty forgetful sometimes so pls bear with me) that goes like this.remember 5 things before came upon you 5 things:

>your youth before your old age
>your wealth before your poverty
>your free time before your busy time
> your health before your illness
>your live before your death.

and one of them which is no less important than the others is your free time. how one thing leads to another. you give up your free time for nothing more than doing nothing, it tells enough of how much you don't appreciate your youth, your wealth, your health and your live which is scarcely significant in comparison with the hereafter.hurm are you familiar with the sayings "enjoy your life to the fullest, life is just once" bla bla bla...daaaa...how foolish.how stupid.how lumpy.not even the most preposterous words in the whole world can ever describe our foolishness in this matter...yes the kaafir would think so, as they dont believe in Allah and the hereafter..i remember a lecture from Ustaz Shamsuri about "hamba dunia" which literally means obsession of life(sorry, not a very good translator)..he once mentioned that to the kaafir, life is their paradise as they can do whatever they want, and to the muslims, it is otherwise..but Allah has provinced us His blessing and His grant no matter how difficult it is for us to live our live in this mean world..In His verse "Along with every hardship is relief" (Ash-Sharh:6). yes it sounds very easy and uncomplicated..but that's where the journey begins...to fight the battle within yourself..and i believe regardless of how others see it, thats the greatest victory one would ever achieve..coz then other things become more and more simple to you as only Allah remains the highest goal in your heart, in your soul, in your life, and in the herafter..InshaAllah...Ameen..

truthfully nobody

2004-09-30T14:13:00.000+09:30

Assalamualaikum.In the name of Allah the most gracious the most merciful
In the very beginning dont knoe myself y i'm making this blog so dont even bother to ask..one thing for sure is probly for myself whtever not for anybody else..n probly coz im a nobody myself..well not exactly nob0dy but in terms of Allah's creation i'm just a nobody. but nevertheless Allah has given every one of us specialties that differ from one another and that makes us special without even realizing it.we're in no place at all to be ungrateful, for what Allah has given us is just unimaginable in every single way.that's all for a start. i really welcome anybody to drop by n have a glimpse on wht-eva i hv to say (nothing too unconventional) inshaAllah..may Allah bless us all..